Just because a celebrity is lame, moronic and/or perpetually under the influence of drugs and alcohol, doesn’t mean he or she can’t teach us something. As you may know, we at TheDailyContributor.com have posted a fully-interactive list of our picks for lamest celebrities: The Lame Fame 100. What you may not know is that despite our ridicule of these individuals, we also believe they may be making important sociological contributions for future studies of the human race.
Today, we look to our #1 lamest celeb, Jon Gosselin to see what can be learned from his stylish wardrobe, fathering skills, and overall ability to attractive multitudes of women less intelligent than he. Here are some things that I have learned from Jon Gosselin. And remember to vote Jon Gosselin up or down on our list after you consider these life lessons!
1. Just because you have 8 children under the age of 10 at home doesn’t mean you can’t party like a rockstar.
You know how in third grade you have that class about families? And what the role of mothers and fathers should be? And then teachers secretly evaluate your responses to see if they need to report your derelict parents to child services? Well, my guess is that since Jon Gosselin defies those social norms, the third grade teacher of his oldest daughters must have to tailor that class to be inclusive of all diverse families, including ones in which parents are reality television superstars. And I imagine that it gets tailored to something along the lines of: “Don’t worry, it is totally normal to see your father partying with co-eds on the cover of tabloid magazines at the supermarket more than you see him at home!”
2. If you have bad taste in something and achieve a minimal degree of fame, those brands may send you free stuff.
I think there was a memo in 2006 that went out to everyone except the state of New Jersey explaining that Ed Hardy was over. Despite living in Pennsylvania, this memo seems to have eluded Jon Gosselin. And because there is no other logical explanation for his massive Ed Hardy wardrobe, it seems that the clothing company must be sending him free stuff. I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly announce that I thoroughly enjoy Doritos Collisions and Rockstar Energy Drinks.
3. Divorcing your wife, hiding all of her money and generally being a douchey human being will get you chicks, sometimes attractive ones, even if you are incredibly unattractive.
On CBS news (the NEWS!) one morning not too long ago, I happened to catch the headlining debate: “Is Jon Gosselin sexy?” The general conclusion made by the vaguely pretty news anchors was that yes, he was. In fact, they were so into him, I half expected them to make a finger phone and mouth “Call me!” into the cameras. This taught me so much. Like: Nothing in this world makes sense and therefore anything is possible. And: Maybe Jon Gosselin is a prophet?
