In all office buildings across America there is a universal, unwritten law when it comes to eating food your co-workers bring in to share: NEVER EAT THE LAST ONE OF ANYTHING. If you are seen eating the last brownie, scone, or scraping the last bit of cheese dip left over from Betty’s Super Bowl party you will be shunned.
Typically your female employees will bring in baked goods or snacks that they baked the night before, or had left over from some function (it always seems to be a baby shower). Your male employees will only bring in baked goods or snacks if their wives or girlfriends have it ready for them.
I’m not sure when in human history this rule started but I estimate a good 98% of all people who work in Corporate America adhere to this rule. They use their better judgment not to upset Stacy in accounting for finishing off the last sandwich half. Don’t you know it’s always better to throw away and waste the last bit of food than to be seen eating it?
It’s 10:12 a.m. and your Outlook is blinking and chirping:
Hey Everyone!
I thought since we’ve all been working so hard these last few days I would bring in some bagels!!!! They are IN THE KITCHEN by the copy machine. Remember it’s Friday - TGIF!!! :) - so go wild and try something new today (lol) - put some of the Roasted Red Pepper CREAM CHEESE on your bagel!!
ENJOY :) :) :)
Beth-
Thank you Beth from HR. By the time the stampede to the kitchen is over the only thing left will be a lone, sad, blueberry bagel that must be thrown away and never eaten.
For girls it’s simple - they don’t want to look like pigs. Girls want to maintain some level of attractiveness in the work force and girls in office environments are definitely ready to pounce on other girls for their bad habits and point them out to other girls and cute males. Girls always want to be perceived as dainty. If a girl is shoving her hand in a bowl of cheese dip she might look like a man. All girls enjoy unhealthy food but they want their coworkers to think they are health conscious to look better than the girls that do concede and get right in there.
For guys - you don’t want to be THAT guy who will be classified as the don’t-mind-if-I-do-Homer-Simpson guy in the office. You’re not a mooch but you get categorized as the guy who is a little too eager to impose on and reap the benefits of other peoples work.
Lastly, whatever you do, don’t even think about eating the last piece of cake.
