This morning, in blinding succession, three amazing things happened to me. As I sit here trying to make sense of these bizarre events, I seem to keep asking myself the same question: are corporate power and success directly correlated to laziness?
Think about it. The highest ranking person in a company is usually the one who does the least. Now granted, one would assume that that person, let’s call them the Boss, did a lot of hard work in their life to make it to where they are, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t be mind-boggling lazy at the same time. In fact, my theory is that their laziness got them ahead. By constantly asking other people to do remarkably easy tasks for them, they created a subconscious power dynamic that naturally evolves into an actual rise to power.
To illustrate this theory, I present to you the three instances that happened to me all within the first hour of work this morning.
8:15am - The File Drop
My cubicle neighbor is highly proficient at looking busier than she actually is. If you don’t know how to do this you should probably take a look at “How To Look Busier At Work Than You Really Are” (link). She rushes around and always looks angry or confused and is constantly shuffling papers around on her desk. This morning, during one of these pretend fits of productivity, I handed her a confidential file that I had borrowed from her. She breathlessly begged me to put it in her laptop bag so that it would not be exposed on her desk. She then grabbed her bag, opened it, and HELD IT OPEN IN FRONT OF ME, waiting expectantly for me to drop the file into her bag for her. I was stunned. In the time that this took, could she not have taken the file, said “thanks” and put it in the bag herself?
8:20am - The Copier Incident
In order to calm down after this interaction, I decided to take a leisurely walk away from our desks to the kitchen to get some tea. This plan was thwarted by an even more bizarre occurrence. While making my way down the hallway, a panicked co-worker rushed up to me and asked me if I would please, please make copies of a document for him. Wrongly assuming that he had to go right into a meeting or was in some kind of hurry, I pleasantly agreed to do him this favor. That’s when everything changed: as soon as I agreed, he immediately calmed down and proceeded to WALK WITH ME TO THE COPIER and start chatting with me. He then stood there WHILE I MADE HIS COPIES and strolled away when I was done. I thought: maybe he has an embarrassing secret and does not know how to operate this incredibly simple copy machine. But then I realized that I was giving this person far too much credit. The real reason? Laziness.
8:45am – “I’d Like To Place An Order For Delivery”
By 8:45am I had gotten over these displays of extreme laziness. I encounter them at my job far too often to ever dwell on them for long. But then the third incident occurred, completing my irritation and prompting this blog post. Five feet away from me sits a co-worker who is very kind and nice but very lazy. Twenty feet to my other side is the reception desk. I listened in growing disbelief as I heard my co-worker call reception and ask the receptionist to find someone to bring them a belonging that they left at the reception desk. I looked over at the receptionist. She too, thought this was a joke. It was not. She then called me, laughing, and asked me in front of the co-worker if I would get up and walk the twenty feet to her desk to grab this co-worker’s belongings and walk it back over to the five feet past my desk to deliver it to them. The co-worker, meanwhile, did not flinch, though they obviously heard this BECAUSE WE ARE ALL WITHIN 25 FEET OF EACH OTHER. I did this task, laughing the entire time, and not a muscle on the co-worker’s face twitched. They just continued typing away at their keyboard completely unaware of or indifferent to the fact that they’d just gotten someone five feet away to do a task they could have easily done on their own.
I could understand this morning’s occurrences if I was, say, an administrative assistant, or some other kind of office lackey. Alas, I am not. I am just a victim to fantastic laziness. And I know I am not alone. If you have experienced similar incidents at your job, don’t hesitate to comment below or email them over to me.
June 25th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
Wow, just, wow. I don’t have a tale to relate, because I would never kowtow to my co-workers like that. Many have tried and many have been laughed at. I don’t mind helping someone out who truly needs it, but out of their laziness? No way.