Everything you learned in college can’t prepare you for how things actually happen in Corporate America. You may have learned some skills here and there, but the only way to learn how to do a job is to be in the thick of things; that includes how to talk the talk.
The way people speak in the office is so strange and bizarre, it’s practically its own dialect of the English language. Certain words and phrases are only uttered within the walls of your office. Half the time they make no sense but its just what is said. It’s how things go. We all know Corporate America is afraid of change so these odd phrases will be around for a while:
“In a Nutshell”
In my experience whenever someone prefaces their speech with “in a nutshell,” it is always some esoteric explanation for something that was already pretty clear and concise to begin with. Also, have you ever looked at a nutshell? They are pretty small - for something to fit in that would just be ridiculous.
Having “Hard Stops”
People throw this term around all the time in my office. For those of you not graced with this phrase yet, it means you have something scheduled immediately after the current meeting you are in. For example, if you have a 2-3pm meeting with a client X and a 3-4pm meeting with client Y, you simply tell client X at the beginning of the meeting “I have a hard stop at 3pm.” Could you imagine if you used this term outside of the office? “Hey guys, happy hour sounds great but I have a hard stop at 8pm because I have dinner plans.” Your friends would probably struggle to make a “That’s what she said joke” after they recovered from the bomb you just dropped on them.
The overuse of the term “Synergy”
The word synergy is so abundant in Corporate America because it generally doesn’t have any tangible or factual proof, but for some reason it carries such a strong positive connotation. Whether a relationship is “synergistic” or two new product offerings will have great “synergy” it sounds important and definitely possible without any conclusive evidence. Next time you are on a first-date maybe you should mention that you think the two of you have amazing synergy. This might just be the line that seals the deal.
Taking conversations “off line”
I didn’t know the conversation was on any line to be able to take it “off” the supposed line. Is this conversation so unimportant that it cannot withstand the patience of the line we are currently on? Next time I am being publicly berated I will ask my verbal attacker if she/he would like to take our conversation “off line” to avoid any impending public humiliation.
“Table-ing” Something
“Table-ing” something is similar to taking something “off line”, but it does not guarantee that it will ever be revisited. Usually we “table” something in Corporate America when it is 1) deviating from the point at hand, 2) a valid concern that is contradicting all of our hard work, or 3) when it is 5pm on a Friday and you have no desire to delve into the intricacies of the topic. For example, one might say: “Yes client Z, I understand your concern, but for the purpose of this meeting can we table it and revisit it at a later time?” This is perfectly acceptable. If we all started table-ing any conversation that might be the least bit unpleasant we would live in an extremely passive aggressive society, but at least I wouldn’t have to talk about why I don’t want to have dinner at your Grandmother’s house.
“Apples to Apples” Comparisons
Whenever any comparison is made in Corporate America someone inevitably asks “Is this an apples to apples comparison?” A seemingly valid point, you want consistency when comparing two things. However, apples come in a variety of shapes, sizes, textures and tastes. Also, comparing a conclusion to a piece of fruit really mitigates the validity of any point. If we had to stick to a fruit theme couldn’t we have picked oranges or lemons, etc? Something to think about.
Things On Your “Plate”
The amount of work you have will always be considered “things on your plate”. If you have a “full plate” that means you are extremely busy and won’t be able to take on any more work…or add anything to your plate. This simply makes no sense what so ever. Why people can’t simply say, “hey, I’m really busy” is beyond me. However, for some reason, a plate of food is now the office standard for how much work you have - or lack there of.
