My Cousin Vinny is one of the greatest comedies of our generation. The unrivaled charms of Vinny Gambini and Mona Lisa Vito have captured the hearts of movie goers since its 1992 release. Never has the story of a big fish in a small pond been so comical and genius.
This movie not only taught me everything I needed to know about litigation, but also, how to deliver the F word in a perfect New York accent. What more could you ask for? Let’s examine how you can use choice phrases from this celebrated movie at work.
Situation: Your boss piles on yet another task onto your already brimming workload
Everyone knows the drill – you are completely swamped at work and your boss keeps hammering you with request after request. You are reaching your breaking point and are completely stressed. Next time your boss puts you in such a debacle simply replace his/her name with Lisa and say:
Lisa, I don’t need this. I swear to God, I do not need this right now, okay? I’ve got a judge that’s just aching to throw me in jail. An idiot who wants to fight me for two hundred dollars. Slaughtered pigs. Giant loud whistles. I ain’t slept in five days. I got no money, a dress code problem, AND a little murder case which, in the balance, holds the lives of two innocent kids. Not to mention your BIOLOGICAL CLOCK - my career, your life, our marriage, and let me see, what else can we pile on? Is there any more SHIT we can pile on to the top of the outcome of this case? Is it possible?
Situation: You completely forgot to complete a task and you are now being asked why it hasn’t been done
We all completely space out at work and generally stop taking notes 15 minutes into a meeting. So it is inevitable that you are completely going to forget to do something you promised you would deliver. The next time you are in this situation sarcastically reply:
You were serious about that?
Situation: You came to a business meeting completely under dressed
Now that Corporate America has gone all “business casual” sometimes it is hard to know what is appropriate to wear to important meetings. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are being berated by your boss for your unimpressive attire, respond by saying:
I bought a suit. You seen it. Now it’s covered in mud. This town doesn’t have a one hour cleaner so I had to buy a new suit, except the only store you could buy a new suit in has got the flu. Got that? The whole store got the flu so I had to get this in a second hand store. So it’s either wear the leather jacket which I know you hate, or this. So I wore this ridiculous thing for you.
Situation: You are sent to the middle of nowhere for a business meeting
Unfortunately many company headquarters are in pretty remote places. The next time you find yourself in East Bumble Texas and need the right words to describe the atrociousness you are going through say:
The Klan’s here. They’re inbred. They sleep with their sisters.
Situation: Your coworker messed up at your business meeting in the middle of nowhere
We all have our screw ups, but if your coworker happens to make an epic mistake when you two have the displeasure of being in East Bumble Texas, you need to really rub it in by replacing their name with Stan and saying:
Hey Stan, you’re in Ala-Fuckin-Bama. You come from New York. You killed a good old boy. There is no way this is not going to trial.
Situation: The validity of your work is in question
Sometimes you are going to be called out and asked “Are you sure about this?” or “Are these numbers correct?” When your work is being called into question sternly state that it is:
Dead on balls accurate
Situation: Your client is trying to negotiate a deadline
In Corporate America clients always want deliverables faster than they can realistically be done. There is always a back and forth exchange about deadlines that can be incredibly frustrating for the person who is expected to get the work done. The next time you are in such an exchange simply tell your client:
You like to renegotiate as you go along, don’t you? Well here’s my counter-offer… do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever loving shit out of you?
Situation: Filling out HR paperwork
When starting a new job human resources requires you fill out an incredible amount of paper work spanning many topics. When you come to the paper work that asks you about your car make and model, write down the following:
Metallic mint green 1964 Buick Skylark convertible
Now that I have supplied you with the correct tools, start practicing your New York accent and get to work!
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
You forgot the best line in the whole movie… “I guess the f***ing thing is broken.”
May 20th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
And….”Maybe it was a bad time to bring it up….”
July 16th, 2010 at 6:27 pm
First time I actually laughed out loud reading a blog! A +