Work can be a rough place to be. Think about it, you’re not doing what you want to be doing with your day and who wants to be doing that? Well let me tell you something, if you start to incorporate quotes from the movie Billy Madison into your work day things will really start to turn around.
The movie is absolutely hilarious and you owe it to yourself and your co-workers to brighten up the day. The sad thing is, many movies have come since Billy Madison and, while still a cult classic, many people seem to forget about the genius of this movie.
Situation: Co-worker whispers something to you during a meeting:
This happens way, way too much in Corporate America. Personally, I can’t get through a meeting without a hand signal, a whisper, a note, a secret, or anything that should wait until after the meeting. To combat this simply use this quote with just one variation:
No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class [work]. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.
Situation: Co-worker says something incredibly stupid:
It happens quite a bit. Rose will mention her idea and it’s just incredibly stupid and irrelevant. I’m sick and tired of everyone bailing people out who make these ludicrous comments. Next time Rose mentions her horrible idea use this phenomenal quote. This one will be hard to memorize but well worth it:
Mr. Madison [coworker name], what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Situation: Talking yourself in to going to work today
It’s one of those days where the alarm goes off and you’d give anything just to lay there for a few more hours. Oh man, it’s raining outside too and you can see your breathe in the air. You have to dig deep and use this quote to get yourself ready for the day:
Back to school [work]. Back to school [work], to prove to Dad that I’m not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don’t get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school [work]. Back to school [work]. Back to school [work]. Well, here goes nothing.
Situation: You were washing your hands in the bathroom and your pants got soaking wet
Sometimes when you’re washing hands in the bathroom there is an incredible amount of water pooled up in the counter top that you don’t see until it’s too late. Before you know it you’re walking back into work with what appears to be a pee stain. Of course it’s just water, but it wouldn’t be corporate america if somebody, who isn’t funny at all, in any way, doesn’t make a comment on it. So, simply say:
Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It’s the coolest.
Situation: Your coworker lost their pet
Believe it or not this happens. One day, when you least expect it, George will have lost Bubbles and he will come into the office very upset and sad. Of course George won’t be able to get anything accomplished today because he’s telling his sob story the entire day. Here’s a great quote you can use to get George to shut up about his lost pet:
Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy [coworker name]. The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy [you] gave up looking for Happy [pet's name] after an hour. He [You] didn’t put posters up or anything, he [you] just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s [You] gotta think ‘You got a pet. You got a responsibility.’ If your dog gets lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.
Situation: Your boss gives you praise for a job well done
Although extremely rare, no matter how good of a job you’re doing, if you’re boss gives you praise you better have this quote ready to roll:
I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!
Situation: Your boss yelling at you for a job not well done
It happens all the time no matter what you’re doing actually. Maybe if you use this quote it will ease your boss off you a little bit:
I see your lips moving but I can’t make out the words. I’m deaf. Oh Veronica Vaughn so hot want to touch the heiney. Arrroooooooo!
Situation: Your coworker is having a tough time getting their idea out
There are those people who simply can’t just say what they are thinking. It takes them an extremely long time, much longer than it should take, to spit it out. The next time you’re in this situation, use the following quote and maybe Paige will get her idea on the table faster:
T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR!
