How To Use Quotes From Ace Ventura: Pet Detective At Work

Posted on | November 17, 2009 |

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective introduced the world to one of the mostmemorable movie characters of all time. Jim Carrey’s role as Ace Ventura certainly ranks right up there as one of the all time greatest movie characters for me right along side Jeff Bridges’ potrayel as The Dude. Ace Ventura is loaded with amazing quotes that can be used on a daily basis at your work place.

We at TheDailyContributor.com have taken it upon ourselves to provide you a working list of quotes for you to use at work. Now, if you aren’t familiar with this type of post you can look at some older posts about how to use quotes from Clueless, Spaceballs, My Cousin Vinny, and The Big Lebowski at work. Enjoy!

Situation: Your Co-Worker Asks You For A Piece Of Gum

Just because Bill from accounting sits next to you he feels entitled to half of every pack of gum you purchase. You have to be careful with this one in Corporate America because not giving out a piece of gum can escalate into something huge. However, you need to hold your ground and when Bill does ask you for that piece of gum say:

That’s none of your damn business and I’ll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.

Situation: Blaming Your Mistakes On Somebody Else

Passing the buck, avoiding blame, and not living up to your actions is something you will inevitably do on a daily basis at work - it’s just how things operate. Corporate America is chalk-full of ridiculous politics and unfortunately you have to play the game to get ahead. So, when you screwed something up and you’re being called out on it say:

It was all that Dan Marino’s fault, everyone knows that. If he had held the ball, laces out, like he was supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. Would you like a cookie, son?

Situation: You’ve Just Been Let Off The Hook For Your Mistake

Once you’ve successfully blamed somebody else for your own malfeasance look your boss dead in the eye and say:

Aaaaaalllllllllllllllllllrighty then.

Situation: Updating Your Login Information

Oh how pesky it is to update your login information once a month. Well, the next time your are extremely inconvenienced from checking your fantasy football team and are forced to update your password, simply enter this as your new password:

New England clam chowder

Situation: Talking About Fantasy Football Team

Now, many people are disgustingly obsessed with fantasy football and quick frankly it makes me sick to my stomach. TheDailyContributor.com does not support fantasy football in anyway. What I like to do is make up fake players on my fake team nobody has ever heard about. When Larry from IT, the resident fantasy football guru, asks you about this mysterious player tell Larry all about him:

Soccer style kicker graduated from Collier High June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds 2 NCAA Division One records, one for most points in a season, one for distance, former nickname “The Mule,” the first and only pro-athlete ever to come out of Collier County and one hell of a model American.

Situation: Explaining To Your Boss How You Arrived At A Particular Conclusion

Things must always be explained in Corporate America. Although extremely annoying, you have to tell your boss what you did to arrive at your conclusion so he / she can properly take credit for your work when they go to explain this to the next higher up. If you want to throw your boss for a loop, when explaining your conclusion / idea say:

This is double-paned sound-proof glass. There is no way that neighbor could’ve heard Roger Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut. The scream she heard came from inside the apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Situation: Determining If That Co-Worker Is A Guy Or A Girl

Alright, it happens. Sometimes we work with a person who looks a little bit like a man…or maybe a woman….or maybe…uhh. It’s not our fault this person looks incredibly neutral. However, when you finally crack the case, you must proclaim: