“Fat Butts May Be Healthy” Announces Dr. Sir Mix A Lot in Ground Breaking Study
Authored by Guest Blogger A. Georgi
In a groundbreaking study released Tuesday, world famous rapper turned Research Scientist Sir Mix A Lot announced that having extra fat in your stomach and thighs may in fact be a good thing. “I like big butts and I cannot lie,” Dr. A Lot said at a news conference held [...]
Medical Study: Erectile Hyperfunction Affects About 93.2% Of Males In Their 20s
Erectile Hyperfunction (EH or “Overactive Boner Syndrome”) is a sexual function characterized by the ability to develop and maintain an erection of the penis for an insanely long time period for extremely satisfactory sexual performance. “When these young men develop erections they are crazy rock hard and last for stupid-long periods of time. These young [...]
Satan Impatient Waiting For Madoff, Seeks Heavenly Advice
ETERNAL LAKE OF FIRE, Hell - After traversing an endless maze of infernal spires and caverns, I approached the Eternal Lake of Fire. They say the greatest trick the Devil played on humanity was convincing them he didn’t exist. Well here I am, in the deepest caverns of damned eternity, at the foot of the [...]
Is Twitter Communist?
Everyone’s favorite micro-blogging source returns a very curious Did-You-Mean result when searching for South Korea. I’m not sure what it means, probably nothing, in fact I know it means nothing, but it’s odd never the less. Wouldn’t you say?
Searching For Beer Pong Tourny, College Kids Follow Wrong Keystone Truck
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — New Mexico’s largest Target retail store received an unexpected surprise last night around 12:04 a.m. when college kids from The University of Connecticut arrived in search of a Beer Pong Tournament. “I knew we were lost when Lenny from Shipping & Receiving came to greet us,” Joe Walsh said, a 19-year-old undeclared [...]
NFL Bans Brett Favre From Wearing Rose-Colored Glasses During 2010 Season
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that Minnesota Vikings Quarterback Brett Favre would not be allowed to wear rose-colored glasses during games throughout the 2009-2010 NFL season. This comes as a blow to Favre who’s used to wearing the shades all the time.
Favre’s uncanny selfishness and arrogance was previously unbeknownst to him and shielded by [...]
Tire Shop Educates Confused Customers with Sign
2010 Toyota Prius dubbed Perfect Murder Weapon by Feudal Japan Ninja Warlords
UNDETERMINED LOCATION, NINJA WARLORD BASE - Ninjas are back flipping and throwing Ninja Stars in celebration over the 2010 Toyota Prius. The new 2010 Toyota Prius remains the most fuel-efficient, space-efficient, and most importantly quiet Hybrid on the market. “The 2010 Toyota Prius retains its hyper-quiet cabin, made possible by its part-time electric motivation and [...]
QB Eagles on Hand for Vick’s Eagles debut
PHILADELPHIA– Tecmo Super Bowl legend QB Eagles was on hand Thursday night at Lincoln Financial Field to support Michael Vick’s debut as a Philadelphia Eagle. “Mike [Vick] did OK tonight. To be honest with you, I was looking for him to scramble in a zig-zag pattern a little more - that always makes the defense [...]
Top 10 Cars To Drive Before You Die
10) 1991 Toyota Previa
9) 1984 Toyota Tercel
8) 1988 Toyota Corolla
7) 2002 PT Cruiser with Wood Grain Exterior Accents
6) 1996 Ford Fiesta
5) 1985 Ford Tempo
4) 1994 Saturn SL-1
3) 1995 Chrysler Concorde
2) 1996 Geo Metro 3 Door
1) 1996 Hyundai Accent
Google Inc. Announces Purchase of Death Star Plans from Galactic Empire
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (August 7, 2009) - Google Inc. (NASDAQ: GOOG) today announced the purchase of the Death Star plans from the Galactic Empire further tightening their grip on the galaxy. Google’s philosophy stands much inline with that of the Galactic Empire in that they strive to “rule through fear of force rather than force [...]
Al Bundy upgrades Dodge using Cash for Clunkers
CHICAGO—July 31, 2009—One day after the government announced they will suspend the popular “Cash for Clunkers” program, Chicago native Al Bundy caught an uncharacteristic break.
The star-crossed shoe salesman is constantly drawing the short-end of the stick. Today, however, was different for Bundy. “I work in a shoe store, I make less than minimum wage,” Bundy [...]
Dude in blue hawaiian shirt takes keg stand, gets wasted
SAN DIEGO—July 30, 2009—Local dude Dan April was “jus’ chillin’” in his basement one night when a few keg-bearing rabblerousers came by to “simply watch TV,” April recalled. According to an eye witness, who commented on condition of anonymity, claimed the incident began around 7:55 p.m. PST when Family Guy was rudely shut off and [...]
Your iPhone gets better with App to make you ruler of 3rd world country
SAN FRANCISCO—July 28, 2009—Apple® today introduced their latest iPhone™ application that has users laughing maniacally and rubbing their hands together. iPhone users can download the app under the Apps for Going Out section on apple.com. The apps creator, iPhone user Leon Parte, forged his idea when he visited Yemen on a trip sponsored by [...]
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