Right, it’s probably something like they don’t need as much sleep or they get tired all the time. Whatever. Then, why not stay up super late? When I’m old I’m not going to eat dinner until 11:30 p.m. and I’m not going to go to sleep until 3:00 a.m. If I follow that schedule, I’ll still be awake by 8:00 a.m. If I do have to sleep less in my old age, why not be up during the midnight hours?

Think about. All the things old people love to do are still available late at night. You can go to the diner whenever you want to. Driving a Buick with your blinker on knows no time restrictions - and since there are less people on the road late at night you’re doing the general population a service. What’s the point of waking up at 4:00 a.m. and going to bed at 7:30 p.m.? It’s completely ridiculous.

You can still get the early bird special, just make it your late lunch. I’m definitely going to reverse the trend when I’m old. Who’s with me? I said, WHO’s WITH ME! We are the NIGHTCRAWLERS!

Well, the random Pete & Pete reference definitely brings this post to a close.

Have you ever noticed that the vast majority of old people drive with one of their blinkers on? Here’s the question of the day. If they are that absent minded as to not notice one of their blinkers being on, should they really be driving a car? The answer is no. Everyone who is 70-years-old or above needs to drive with some sort of ID number on their car. This way the general population can easily identify & report them to a special DMV hot line that needs to get created (please see post not yet written: TheDailyContributor.com petitions to create a special DMV hot line to report old people who shouldn’t be on the road).

“That’s right folks, just call 1-800-old-people if you see an old person driving with their blinker on.” Seriously, this needs to happen. If you get two strikes, you’re done driving. If I’m ever 89-years-old cruising the streets in a Buick driving with a blinker on, the safest thing possible is to get my old ass out from behind the wheel. Where do you old people need to be going anyways?

I found some totally random YouTube Video to illustrate the point. The person in the video has their right blinker on and makes a left-hand turn! Yikes!

Why do old people smell? I have no idea and have no real explanation for this. The only thing I can do is offer my thoughts on the subject. But before we get into it, I promise you when I’m over 70-years-old I will make a conscience effort to buy new clothes and shower from time to time.

Another thing I will never do when I’m over 70 is drive a Buick. Why do old people drive Buicks anyway? Back to the subject at hand, let’s take a look at why we believe old people kinda smell: Continue Reading

When you hit a certain age do you completely lose your sense of taste and style? With very rare exceptions, Buicks are simply hideous vehicles.

I can’t actually imagine anybody looking at a Buick LeSabre or a Buick Lucerne and saying to themselves, “Now that’s the last car I want to own before I die. Yup, that beauty right there. That’s it. Now that I think about it, that mixture of Blue / Gray metallic is just the color I’m looking for - hmm, maybe that Maroon will suit me better.” Continue Reading

In a world filled with mystery and intrigue, I ask the readers of TheDailyContributor.com to answer me this: Why do old people feel the need to talk to you? It’s truly astounding. Of course I wanted to look directly in her old wrinkled face and yell, “I don’t care about your cranberry glazed ham you made for Christmas you old bat!” but I simply nodded and smiled instead.  What is it about old people?

An old, slightly hunch-backed man standing in line in front of me in the bank turned around and asked me, “Will they be depositing the security checks today?” What about a dude wearing jeans and a t-shirt says, “I know when they will be depositing the security checks.” Continue Reading