If you pick up one of these ridiculous 80s lunchboxes off of ebay, you are sure to blow your coworkers minds. Start your search by going to ebay and doing a search for “80s lunchboxes”. The rest my friend will sort itself out. Imagine when Steve from the marketing department goes into the kitchen to check the fridge and finds this beast in there:

What do you say when you open the fridge and find an Alf lunchbox in there? There isn’t much you can say. In fact, if that happened to me, I would take a few steps back from the fridge and start a slow clap. Then I’d write a company wide email saying how impressed I was with with Alf Lunchbox.

Ladies, don’t worry. You’re in luck too. We all didn’t worship Alf growing up, I understand this. I have a sister. So, perhaps you can bring in this pretty awesome lunch pale with and leave it on your desk for all to worship:

Kaboom! Not only is it a lunchbox, but you get a pretty ballin’ thermos too. Now ladies, listen to this next part very carefully, are you single? Haha, just kidding, anyways, fill up the lunchbox with string cheese, gold fish, a PB&J sandwich and maybe some Dunkaroos and you’re all set - oh yeah, why don’t you fill up that thermos with some apple juice! A delicious and nutritious lunch. If you want to impress the guy from the graphic design department….make sure you slip in that old, vintage gameboy and play a few rounds of Tetris while eating your Push-Pop (make sure you put your Push Pop directly into the freezer when you get into work).

Check out these other money 80s lunch boxes that will blow your coworkers away!

This is very real and not made up in any way. I clearly had to blur out the company name and the names of the employees.

Every internet marketer has either heard about or tried email marketing over their career. Remember years ago when people started buying all these lists of email addresses, and there was even software designed to send, or “blast” these emails to this list in the hopes of getting your message out to your intended audience? Spam was not a problem yet, and the floodgates were open.

These days, the internet marketing world has definitely changed, people hate spam more than ever (me too!), but the fact is that email marketing is still a viable marketing strategy in 2010. What does that mean in layman’s terms? People still are making profit by sending out emails to lists of email addresses.

For those of you who are new to internet marketing, the idea is simple. You obtain a targeted list of people you want to market your product, opportunity, or service to. You then write an attention grabbing subject line, your reader opens the email, reads the body, and then is compelled to take some sort of action based on some directions given in the body, typically using a link to a website.

I could probably write 10 articles all revolving around email marketing, but this one is going to strictly focus on one question - “What is the best day to send email advertisements?”

Some people will say that the best day to send is whatever works best for your schedule. Whatever fits into your Daily Method of Operation. I beg to differ. Studies have been done to show that more people make income, or sales, from emails that are sent out on Fridays. My opinion is that the reason for that is that ‘most’ people are paid on Friday’s, and are in the ‘weekend’ mood and are willing to part with their cash on Fridays more than any other day of the week.

As an internet marketer, your obvious goal is to make sales. Make money. But not everyone involved in email advertising has the goal of making money directly from an email. Their goal with the email is to get someone to a website, getting them into your sales funnel, so that eventually, at the right time, you can make a sale. So the question then becomes “What is the best day to send email advertisements - IF you want to concentrate on Clicks?”

Statistically, Monday and Thursday are the best day for clicks. You get into the office Monday, and your inbox is full of emails sent since Friday and you are fresh and ready to go for your week. You’re mind is concentrated on work, your job or career, and if the headline and message are right, more people will click on the link to your landing page on Mondays.

Regarding Thursdays - my theory here is that lots of people are TOO busy Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday with their job responsibilities to even look at an email from you, and Thursday is when they finally get around to it.

Bottom Line: Send out your emails on Monday’s and Thursdays if you want the best statistical chance for having the link to your landing page clicked in from your email marketing efforts.

By Guest Blogger: Chris Swope
Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/marketing/article_5224.shtml 5/15

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I recently returned from a Corporate retreat to an island destination and was completely shocked by the inappropriate behavior displayed by my management team. At no point during my four years of college did I ever witness such debauchery. Middle-aged men and women were smacking each others’ asses, taking shots in the resort’s hot tub and making racial jokes left and right.

What would possess normally respectable, work-minded individuals to act this way? I hypothesize that many of the members of my management team were not the coolest kids growing up and have resultantly grasped their fat paychecks, impressive titles and taken on the Van Wilder-eque persona to capitalize on their lost years of coolness. Based on my week of observations here is a list of how to be considered “kewl” in Corporate America:

1. Talk About Alcohol: Talk about how much you drank, how much you are drinking and how much you plan on drinking. The more outrageous and detailed the better. “Yeah Mike from Department X and I were slugging back tequila shots until 2am last night” or “Back in the day my buddy and I used to crush a keg just the two of us”.
2. Perfect the Back Slap: The most effective tool when you are trying to peer pressure someone to drink more, dance more or make a regrettable decision is the firm and swift back slap. “Come on Katie let’s see you funnel a beer!” [followed by overly aggressive back slap].
3. Talk About Sex: Make innuendo about any and everything. Throw in a couple “that’s what she saids’” and bonus points if you talk about having sex with people other than your significant other. Also, make bets on who you think will hook up by the end of the night. “Married coworker X is totally going to bang engaged and 15 year junior coworker Z!”
4. Do Not Call People by Their Names: Do not use the person’s proper name. Either call them by their title, “Hey HR get over here” or a nickname you made up on the fly “Hey Wets-the-Bed-After-Vodka-Shots can you grab me a beer?”
5. Talk About How “Wild” Everyone is: Emphasize to everyone how wild and fun the company is for being able to party so “hard”. When you return to the office, continue to reminisce by saying things like “Remember how much we drank man!” Upon return set up a slideshow of pictures in the lunch room or conference room of everyone getting wild and crazy so you can relive the extremeness.
6. Curse: Curse like a f-ing sailor. Didn’t you know it’s almost as cool to swear as it is to smoke? Drop F-bombs like you are trying to destroy the f-ing universe.
7. Over-Emphasize Your Hangover: Do what you need to do to look like the person that partied the hardest the night before. Beat yourself up, brush your teeth “with a bottle of jack”, put Vaseline in your hair - anything to look like hell crusted over.

I put in my two weeks notice (seo company). I found a higher paying job, in the city I’ve always wanted to live in, with one of our competitors. What took place in the week following was endless meetings with several upper management and ego-driven men that couldn’t believe that one of their champion ponies was going to leave them in the dust. They made promises I knew they couldn’t keep and showered me with Corporate America’s version of sweet nothings: We need you! We can’t go on without you! You are one of our bests!

The weekend passed and I started the first day of my two week farewell period. I found myself working harder than usual and doing my best to make myself really missed around the office. I wanted my leaving to serve as a big middle finger to a company that once used to care about its employees, before it set its sights on becoming a public company and in turn turned to a sweatshop of overworked consultants.

My sanctimonious plan was cut short when Corporate America outsmarted me and knocked my twenty-something ass to the ground. I was called into a 1:30pm Wednesday meeting and given the dreaded cardboard box and exactly 30 minutes to pack up my stuff and leave the premises. Imagine my surprised when the same VPs that adoringly begged me to stay, handed me a confidentiality agreement and a cardboard box with an EX-employees name on it.

I realize now that Corporate America does not care about its employees no matter how stellar your performance might have been during your tenure. It does not care about the long hours you put in or the birthday parties you missed so Client XYZ could make an extra $500K this year to pad their already bulging wallets.

You are just a number, a quick deletion when you leave and an empty cube for the next corporate drone. The loyalty I felt towards my old company and the guilt I felt for leaving them feels foolish and unfounded now. I mean I broke up with them first, why do I feel like I’m the one being kicked to the curb? I might have been married to my work, but Corporate America keeps its divorce lawyers on speed dial – I should have known better.

As part of the limitless job description I’ve maintained in several of my previous jobs (I work at a ppc software company), I have often had the distinct honor of cleaning out offices and cubicles after someone leaves. It’s not all that different from cleaning out a deceased person’s home, actually. It’s overwhelming and gross and usually more boring than one secretly hopes for.

But it does provide a great basis for a sociological study of the habitats of an elusive species, the Corporatus Slaveicus. So many poor, misguided individuals spend more time in their offices than they do in their homes. Please, join me as we take a look at the list of typical remains found in their abandoned, windowless caves. Continue Reading

This morning, in blinding succession, three amazing things happened to me. As I sit here trying to make sense of these bizarre events, I seem to keep asking myself the same question: are corporate power and success directly correlated to laziness?

Think about it. The highest ranking person in a company is usually the one who does the least. Now granted, one would assume that that person, let’s call them the Boss, did a lot of hard work in their life to make it to where they are, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t be mind-boggling lazy at the same time. In fact, my theory is that their laziness got them ahead. By constantly asking other people to do remarkably easy tasks for them, they created a subconscious power dynamic that naturally evolves into an actual rise to power. Continue Reading

Work can be a rough place to be. Think about it, you’re not doing what you want to be doing with your day and who wants to be doing that? Well let me tell you something, if you start to incorporate quotes from the movie Billy Madison into your work day things will really start to turn around.

The movie is absolutely hilarious and you owe it to yourself and your co-workers to brighten up the day. The sad thing is, many movies have come since Billy Madison and, while still a cult classic, many people seem to forget about the genius of this movie. Continue Reading

Hello there. How are you today? I want to share a few completely real and believable stories I hear at work. Now, these totally legitimate stories actually happened because my boss told them to me. They must be true. In fact, whenever I’m at work, I pretty much have to entertain any story my boss tells me - it’s just how things have to happen.

While commanding Michael-Scott respect, there is never a dull moment when being forced to talk about chicks, sports and booze. Here are just a few of the gems I’ve been told in the past month or so: Continue Reading

My Cousin Vinny is one of the greatest comedies of our generation. The unrivaled charms of Vinny Gambini and Mona Lisa Vito have captured the hearts of movie goers since its 1992 release. Never has the story of a big fish in a small pond been so comical and genius.

This movie not only taught me everything I needed to know about litigation, but also, how to deliver the F word in a perfect New York accent. What more could you ask for? Let’s examine how you can use choice phrases from this celebrated movie at work. Continue Reading

So, you’ve come to realization that you are just another cog in the wheel. You are indeed not special and you go to work every day living out somebody else’s dream. Well, although you are just another brick in the wall, don’t worry because you’re not alone.

However, it’s the things you encounter at work, on the way to work and on the way home from work that should drive you to laughter instead of insanity. Sadly enough there are people in the world who don’t understand that what turns their hair grey, should be turning their frown upside down. The reality of the situation is laughing things off at the workplace is your only option: Continue Reading

Everything you learned in college can’t prepare you for how things actually happen in Corporate America. You may have learned some skills here and there, but the only way to learn how to do a job is to be in the thick of things; that includes how to talk the talk.

The way people speak in the office is so strange and bizarre, it’s practically its own dialect of the English language. Certain words and phrases are only uttered within the walls of your office. Half the time they make no sense but its just what is said. It’s how things go. We all know Corporate America is afraid of change so these odd phrases will be around for a while: Continue Reading

In all office buildings across America there is a universal, unwritten law when it comes to eating food your co-workers bring in to share: NEVER EAT THE LAST ONE OF ANYTHING. If you are seen eating the last brownie, scone, or scraping the last bit of cheese dip left over from Betty’s Super Bowl party you will be shunned.

Typically your female employees will bring in baked goods or snacks that they baked the night before, or had left over from some function (it always seems to be a baby shower). Your male employees will only bring in baked goods or snacks if their wives or girlfriends have it ready for them. Continue Reading