Don't Make Her Bored
Being spontaneous is a requirement for establishing and maintaining a good relationship. Once things become predictable, things become boring. Once things become boring, the relationship is essentially over. How many times have you heard your friend say (or you yourself), “I’m bored with this relationship”? That’s right, we’ve all heard that quite a bit.
Keeping things interesting requires effort. If you find yourself in a relationship and you’re not putting forth any effort, do both parties a favor and break it off. I’ve heard guys make statements such as, “I just don’t care enough to try with her.” That’s bad and you need to break up. You’re not doing yourself any favors by stringing her along.
You can go too far with being spontaneous. Please don’t wake your significant other at 2:16 a.m. and shout, “VEGAS BABY!!” What you should do is surprise her with last-minute concert tickets to her favorite band. Or give her an impromptu surf lesson instead of a day of simply laying at the beach.
[Anticipated Reader Response]: “Hey, you’re not being spontaneous at all. You’re planning these things out!”
You are correct. Being “spontaneous” takes careful planning. If you don’t plan and manage your spontaneity then you’re going to end up doing things that are more absurd and ridiculous than fun and spontaneous. Make no mistake about it, you should spend days planning your “spontaneous” adventures. If she doesn’t know it’s coming, then it’s a fun, spontaneous surprise to her - which is all that matters. The spontaneous element will always be there based on how you present it.
Let’s break down buying the concert tickets some more. When you’re out eating dinner you can deliver the news two ways and receive two very different results. The first way is the Mr. Nice Guy way, “Hey, guess what? A few weeks ago I ordered two tickets to see Modest Mouse tonight!” She will be happy because you’re such a nice guy but you’re not maximizing the potential of this situation. Even though you just got her tickets this could actually be the first step into transitioning yourself into Mr. Nice Guy.
The second way is the “spontaneous” way. Since you’re out to dinner you most likely have other plans already, “Instead of getting some drinks at The Tavern tonight I thought we could go check out Modest Mouse!” Depending on your significant other you should also order a few more shots at the restaurant. She’s no doubt super excited to see her favorite band completely out of the blue, she will be amped and ready for a few more drinks. When she asks you when and where you got the tickets simply say, “Don’t worry about it.” You have to keep some mystery about you.
Spontaneity should also come in small doses during day to day activity. Little things like picking a place to eat where neither one of you have been, or exploring a different section of town can go a long way. I can’t stress enough how important it is to avoid the mundane. Yes, sometimes doing something you’re both comfortable with is OK. Just try to avoid becoming predictible Mr. Nice Guy. Maintaining a relationship requires effort. If she’s not worth it, break up with her. Do yourself a favor. If she is worth it, carefully plan your “spontaneous” activities. Be smart!
September 26th, 2009 at 9:13 am
…is pretty great.