CHICAGO—July 31, 2009—One day after the government announced they will suspend the popular “Cash for Clunkers” program, Chicago native Al Bundy caught an uncharacteristic break.

The star-crossed shoe salesman is constantly drawing the short-end of the stick. Today, however, was different for Bundy. “I work in a shoe store, I make less than minimum wage,” Bundy huffed and puffed. Today, Bundy would not be denied.

Bundy drove his 1971 burnt sienna, mid-century Dodge Dart Demon with over 90,000 miles on it down to the local Autoplex - much to the chagrin of his wife, Peggy Bundy. “I thought the true Bundy Legacy was underwear with just an elastic band.”

Despite the significant backlog of “Cash for clunkers” deals, Bundy was able to push his deal through. Clearly his extensive experience as a salesman paid off, for once. The “Cash for Clunkers” program offers owners of old cars and trucks $3,500 or $4,500 toward a new, more fuel-efficient vehicle. Bundy would not comment on what car he purchased since he wanted to keep it hidden from his wife. It was then Bundy went off on an erroneous tangent , “Those articles that say married couples have sex every month are just sensationalistic lies perpetrated on the public to sell magazines. It’s hooey I tell you, hooey.”

Al Bundy

Just days before, Bundy was looking to end it all when he was forced to pump gas until he earned back the money his family spent at a gas station. Bundy is frequently at odds with his family over financial issues. When word reached Bundy’s son, Bud Bundy, that the family was going to get a brand new car, Bud could hardly contain his excitement. “Oh the hooters I’ll be a-juggling,” Bud proclaimed. Although the news was hidden from his wife at the time, Bundy’s son heard the rumor while at his father’s favorite nudie bar.

Before upgrading his Dodge, Bundy already planned what he was going to say to his son when he would undoubtedly sneak into the new car: “Now, son, you’ve got two choices: you can get out, or, you can get the hell out.”

Bundy would return home and address his family, “Peg, kids, get ready to torture me - I’m home.” By this time the entire family new about the car. Bundy looked at his family and dug deep inside himself to find the right words to say to them. Bundy, chosing his words carefully, looked his family over and said “I left high-school, lost the will to live and here I am…”

Sobriety is not recommended while watching Surfer, Dude.

Surfer, Dude is a documentary about the life of Matthew McConaughey. Just kidding. Surfer, Dude follows the life of epic-cool surfer Steve Addington (Matthew McConaughey) during a wave-less crisis in Malibu. Steve Addington is a Zen master who simply wants to surf but must make a tough decision when his money, and waves dry up. I fought the urge to turn this movie off when Steve Addington’s over-the-top-stereotypical-California manager (Woodey Harrilson) gracefully spoke, “Way to harsh my morning mellow”. I’m glad I kept the movie going because Surfer, Dude easily cracks my movies-that-are-so-bad-they-are-good list.

I found myself quoting Surfer, Dude the next day to my friends and laughing in retrospect at the following facts:

• Matthew McConaughey character, Steve Addington, never wears a shirt or shoes throughout the entire movie
• Steve Addington is constantly pontificating, “Braaa, dude, jus’ not feelin’ it” and many more
• Steve Addington is constantly smoking weed

I don’t want to spoil any more of the movie for you. Please fight the urge to shut this movie off 5 minutes in. It will grow on you and you will find yourself cracking up over Steve Addington’s Spicoli-like laugh. Surfer, Dude - braaa - is a pleasant cult surprise.

Keg Stand

SAN DIEGO—July 30, 2009—Local dude Dan April was “jus’ chillin’” in his basement one night when a few keg-bearing rabblerousers came by to “simply watch TV,” April recalled. According to an eye witness, who commented on condition of anonymity, claimed the incident began around 7:55 p.m. PST when Family Guy was rudely shut off and one cohort brazenly demanded to the other, “Tap that keg!”

“Once the keg was tapped,” April recalled, “they synchronized a slow-clap and chants of ‘Keg Stand’.” A few moments later April’s feet were in the air, the keg spigot was in his mouth and beer began rushing in. April’s first keg stand lasted around 14 seconds which our estimates have close to 18 ounces of beer. The two gentlemen who rolled the keg in to April’s basement were unable to be reached for comment. According to the same eye witness, the keg-bearers said, “Natty Light Rules!” when referring to April’s 14-second keg stand of Natural Light beer.

Natty Rules: Fact.

The Natural Light division of the Anheuser-Busch brewing company was unavailable for comment. The only evidence I found when researching the keg-bearers claim that “Natty Light Rules!” is this photo I found on the internet. One can easily surmise that Natty Light does indeed rule. The night of revelry would continue until all members of the gathering were “totally hammered” April said. “This one chick puked in the bathroom.”

Spontaneous keg stands are becoming common occurrences in San Diego since San Diego Beaches instated an alcohol ban. On November 4th, 2008 San Diegans voted Yes on Proposition D which upheld the ban on booze. The blanket ban on booze affects more than the 20-something-year-olds in San Diego, it also affects those looking to enjoy a glass of wine during a quite picnic at sunset.

April admitted he was a little “apprehensive” to take keg stands that night but once he was buzzed he was “ready to roll.” After an estimated 7 beers, April turned his TV back on and turned on Commando; a popular action-movie featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger. “Commando Rules!” the two keg-bearers said. However, this time no research was required to prove the fact that Commando rules.

The Namesake is a generational family saga that everyone can relate to, especially those like me who sometimes forget their heritage.  Mira Nair is a quality director that seems to be one of the few people who can pull a movie like this off, and have it play in theaters vs. going straight onto DVD.

It carries with it many morals and qualities of Indian culture little known to many people in America.  It’s emotional, its deep, it’s entertaining, and flows beautifully with a surprising soundtrack.  Kal Penn (aka. Kumar!) shows he can hold down a serious role with depth and substance.  In closing, my friend Nick liked it, which doesn’t happen too often… so take that as it’s a must see!

Ninja Assassin Headband

It is 11 pm on the first full day of Comic-Con and I am being swiped with a metal detector, ordered to turn my phone off and handed a Ninja Assassin headband. A great question, as I am sure many are wondering, is how was I able to see this awesome screening?

I first sited a WB advertisement in the Comic-Con Events Guide. Under Thursday at 11 pm is said “Warner Bros. Special Advance Screening - To Be Announced”. The first step was even noticing this one entry in WB’s full page advertisement. Thursday afternoon I hit the always packed to the brim Exhibit Hall Floor. I braved the long path through the masses to the WB booth. My plan was to ask about he screening at the booth hoping they had the information. As I walked up to the WB booth an announcement was made stating they were handing out passes to the screening right now and the movie would be Ninja Assassin. I immediately made my way to the line for the WB booth. Yes, there was a freaking line, but not even to pick up the passes. All these people were scanning their Comic-Con badges, for what reason I do not really know or care. Once it was my turn at the booth I asked about the pass for the screening and of course this lovely girl had no clue where the passes were. Literally, as I am standing there asking about the passes another announcement comes over the speaker stating only a few passes were remaining. Luckily the girl with the mic and in the know came over to the booth right as she was making the announcement. I was able to snag one of the last passes they handed out.

Arriving early is also a key factor for going to any screening. I have been to a few screening where I was only a few people away from making it in. Of course WB probably gives out 25 to 50 extra passes because they figure some people will now show. I arrived at 10:20 pm and was able to make my way through the metal detector and into the screening of Ninja Assassin a full three months before its November 25th release date.

Ninja Assassin Poster

The Director James McTeigue was at the screening and introduced the movie.I will say James seems like a really cool guy, someone you could just go up and talk to, not that I did. James gained my attention after directing the spectacular V for Vendetta. After such a stunning directorial debut I am very interested in all his projects. I actually saw the panel for Ninja Assassin last year at Comic-Con which first sparked my interest in this flick. The main character Raizo is played by Rain. I only knew of Rain after he appeared at Comic-Con last year and pretty much every girl in the room flipped out. Rain is a South Korean pop singer, dancer, model, actor, CEO and designer. This multi-talented powerhouse has quite a following in the US, he actually sold out his first US concert in 2006 at Madison Square Garden immediately and had to add another day which also sold out! Raizo is one of the most deadly assassins in the world and his introduction, in which he takes out of whole room of foes, immediately shows off his skills. Not only does he take out these adversaries, but they are all killed in a very specific disturbing way.

Such as chopping off limbs, decapitation and various other spectacularly gruesome deaths which result from wielding various ninja weapons. We are told Raizo’s back story through flashbacks to his childhood when he was taken off the street by a secret society and trained to be a killer in what I will refer to as ninja school. The Ozunu Clan, the secret society, runs this school and turns children into trained killers. The flashbacks dive into the harsh teaching techniques of The Ozunu Clan and focus on a friendship with a fellow student. We are frequently brought back to present time focusing on a scar or something particularity related to the flashback story which was a great transition technique. Slowly we are piecing the character together. Naomie Harris plays Europol agent Mika Coretti who stumbles upon a money trail linking several political murders to an underground network of untraceable assassins from the Far East. Most will be familiar with Naomie’s excellent performance in Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy as Tia Dalma. Defying the orders of her superior, Ryan Maslow who is played by Ben Miles, Mika digs into top secret agency files to learn the truth behind the murders.

Rain as Raizo Ninja Assasin

The story moves at a very quick pace which works well with ninja assassins at the center of the movie. The main characters Raizo and Mika are played very well by Rain and Naomie . The supporting cast including Ben Miles compliant the main characters perfectly. The story kept me interested all the way through with only a few slow spots. I must say there is one thing that bothered me about the ninja fights. The ninjas moved so fast it looked like their legs were not even moving at times. This bothered me quite a bit. To me this effect just seemed a bit over the top. However, the fight scenes are so well done it more then makes up for this odd effect. In the end Ninja Assassin lives up to its name and provides an awesome movie experience! Be sure to check out Ninja Assassin when it hits theaters on November 25th.

SAN FRANCISCO—July 28, 2009—Apple® today introduced their latest iPhone™ application that has users laughing maniacally and rubbing their hands together. iPhone users can download the app under the Apps for Going Out section on apple.com.  The apps creator, iPhone user Leon Parte, forged his idea when he visited Yemen on a trip sponsored by his University. Parte said to himself, “I own an iPhone, I should be able to rule this place.”

The way the app works is very simple. When you’re in a 3rd world country you activate the app and just wait. The app first confirms your longitude and latitude and then syncs up with several laser-equipped satellites. The war satellites then begin to destroy monuments, government buildings and infrastructure (rail roads, bridges, etc). While this is happening, another satellite hijacks all television and radio channels commanding the population to bow down before you, or die.

Fans of the controversial app have nicknamed it “Dick Cheney”. The app could spell certain doom for countries such as Timor-Leste, Malawi, Somali and Canada. This is the last thing the Somali board of tourism needs. Since the app came out wikitravel.org warns potential travelers that “Somalia is not safe for independent travel or sightseeing. Those visiting for business, research, or international aid purposes should consult with their organization and seek expert guidance before planning a trip.”

The app has caused internal strife for the San Francisco based toy company. Apple is accustomed to making useless toys in odd shapes and colors - but never have they been affiliated with military action. Steve Jobs was not available for comment. Never the less the app remains available for download on apple.com. “Mmmuuua HAHAHAHA,” Parte declared from his apartment on Saint Helena island which rests in South Atlantic Ocean.

Apple iPhone Apps

300 is precisely the kind of movie that turns 14-year-old boys into ravenous movie geeks.  It’s excessively, cheerfully violent, and looks like the world’s most sophisticated and expensive video game.  It’s just plain, unadulterated, and cool! Now for my adult sounding comments.    Gladiator is the bench mark for any movie that enters into the realm of Greek war stories.  300 stacks up pretty close, if not equal, because it has a different agenda.

Gladiator was made to be historically accurate and emotionally riveting.  300 was designed to glorify the Spartan vs. Persian battle in as many ways as it could.  It succeeded.  It’s visually, a masterpiece.  Your eyes are entertained not only by the joy we find in decapitation, but by the way it is glorified and slowed down so you can savor as much of it as possible.  Like I said before, it’s just plain cool, and for that it should be marked as one of the most entertaining movies of the past decade.

Comic Con

The four day convention starts with the up and coming Preview Night. Each year Preview Night gains clout. Last year Preview Night featured the screening of Fringe, in which I attended and thoroughly enjoyed. Fringe had a great first season and has been renewed for another season. This year Comic-Con and Warner Bros. teamed up to present a sneak peek into three of the most intriguing new TV series coming in the 2009-2010 season. Will Ballroom 20 screen three successful TV shows this year?

The first screening was Human Target which is based on the DC Comics title. Human Target is about a mysterious private contractor who will stop at nothing, even if it literally means becoming a human target, to keep his clients alive. Playing the “human target” is Mark Valley, who was John Scott on Fringe, as Christoper Chance. The human target’s “team” consists of Chi McBride, the Private Detective from Pushing Daisies, as Winston and Rorschach himself Jackie Earle Haley as Guerrero. I have to say Jackie stole the show in this episode. Guerrero seems be like a swiss-army knife on Christopher’s team. We are introduced to Guerrero as he cleverly outwits some thugs. Guerrero uses intelligence to get his job done and immediately your on his side. Christopher contacts Guerrero, despite Winston’s objection, to track down some information and it appears he will be

Human Target

a regular on the show. A very interesting interaction is between Guerrero and Winston. Winston is Christopher’s manager who finds work for him and assists during missions. Winston dislikes Guerrero and despises the fact Christopher wants him to help. This interaction provides most of the comedy during the show. The introduction to Christopher is awesome. It starts off right in the middle of a mission and gives you insight immediately into the shows name sake. The main story of the episode is decent but not outstanding. The bulk of the story takes place on a train moving over 200 mph, which is very cool. The special effects are extremely well done and appear almost movie quality. Some of the scenes I did not particularly enjoy the camera work. I did not get a feel this show came from a comic book at all. I have not read the comic, so I am not sure how it was drawn or how it read but I would love a series like this to use effects like in Sin City and Watchmen just to give it that comic book feel. Overall I enjoyed Human Target and think it is worth a shot. Tune in this upcoming season on Wednesdays at 9:00 pm on Fox.

V is the re-imagining of the groundbreaking miniseries from the 80s. Starring in V is Elizabeth Mictchell who play Juliet in Lost. For me this is reason enough to watch. Elizabeth has earned this right IMHO with her work as Juliet on Lost. Other cast members include Morris Chestnut, Joel Gretsch, Lourdes Benedicto, Logan Huffman and Laura Vandervoort. I am unfamiliar with the rest of the cast and I am also unfamiliar with the miniseries. I actually know nothing about the story whatsoever. I feel this is a good way to get into this series. I will not go to the details of the story as I feel this is best if already unknown. I will say the effects in this show were spectacular. I felt like the acting was also top notch and except nothing less with Elizabeth at the helm. I do have some concerns about the progression of the story. I feel like there was a bit too much in the pilot. I felt like I rather have been eased into this story instead of being thrown in full steam and at a blazing fast pace. I felt like this one episode should have been 2 or maybe even 3 separate episodes.

V

Too much is revealed, there is not even time to speculate and consider possibilities. I suppose this could end up being a mute point if the show is carried out properly, which by all means I believe this story has great potential and the pace could be so fast for a reason. V reminds me very much so of another ABC product Invasion. I was really into Invasion which had a great cast and a great story but Invasion only lasted a year. I hate to say this but I feel like V could head down this same path. I just get a similar feel from V as I did with Invasion. I definitely will give V a chance and for Elizabeth’s sake I hope this show does well! V will premiere mid-season on ABC.

The Vampire Diaries is made for tweens. I believe The Vampire Diaries is the TV version of Twilight, even though i’ve never seen Twilight. The Vampire Diaries is a romantic drama in which two brothers, one good and one evil, are at war for the soul of one girl. The bad brother is Ian Somerhalder who played Boone in Lost. The good brother is played by Paul Wesley. The girl who is being fought over is played by Nina Dobrev. I will say the three main characters worked well together and definitely will please the tweens. To me the story is quite silly. The story is set in high school and this is not a high school atmosphere similar to Brick or Donnie Darko, its like Dawson’s Creek. Basically its mainly girl drama and vampires. To anyone who is not a tween they should skip this show and from what I hear True Blood is the Vampire show to check out. If this sounds like something you would be interested it will air Thursdays at 8:00 pm this fall on The CW, premiering September 10th.

In conclusion, check out Human Target and V but skip The Vampire Diaries.

First off, Fincher is a master director, so the chances of him screwing up this movie were slim to none.  Second, Gyllenhaal is the man, and Downey Jr. is hilarious.  So far things are going well.  The downside, from most people, would be the features length.  I agree, but it’s not filled with fluff.  Every minute is as procedural as the police investigation itself.

It’s subtle and dialogue driven, not dramatic and overbearing.  It’s a solid good movie, but it’s just not something you get excited about, like 300 for example.  It’s also anti-climactic as, if you know the story, the “zodiac” is never found.  These minor details shouldn’t stop you, however, from watching a film that exempflies how stories should be told on film.

Brilliantly precise in its deconstruction of dirty work and dirtier secrets, Clayton is a surprisingly subtle story of people who often cannot tell if they’re talking to a friend or an enemy.  This thriller is invaluably indebted to its sharp script and faultless cast.  Every performance in this film is spot-on.

For a directorial debut, credit must be given to Gilroy as he gives the film a shadowy, autumnal hue and combines image and sound in ingenious ways.  Clayton is a solid film in many, if not all dimensions, and hopefully provides some foreshadowing into the upcoming Oscar race.

Los Dos Pedros is relatively unknown outside of those living in the neighborhood; I used to live walking distance from this run-of-the-mill Mexican place. They have pretty late hours and only accept cash. This isn’t a big deal because odds are you’ve just come from The West End (please see post not yet written: Best dive bar in San Diego - The West End) and they only accept cash too. Los Dos Pedros serves up some pretty solid burritos and the quesedilla grande will fill you up for about 2 days. Don’t bring your East Coast buddies to this place advertising it as a great mexican place; it’s very average (try it sober).

However, Los Dos Pedros is very convenient and the people running the shop seem to be very nice. You can load up as much red or green sauce as you’d like and prices are pretty cheap. If you’re in the neighborhood I’d definitely check out Los Dos Pedros just to say you have and then move on. There’s isn’t much else to say about this place. It’s a very typical mexican place that isn’t too great and isn’t too bad. Definitely grab a burrito at Los Dos Pedros after a night of drinking at The West End.

Chrono Trigger ranks up there in the top 10 Super Nintendo games of all time and arguably one of the top 10 Role Playing Games of all time. Chrono Trigger takes place through various time periods as we follow the protagonist, Crono, and his group as they try to “restore history to normal,” says Wikipedia. Crono’s “group of adventurers who travel through time to prevent a global catastrophe” are Marle, Lucca, Frog, Robo & Ayla.

Chrono Trigger

The story line, plot & characters of Chrono Trigger are what makes this game legendary. The game play and graphics (for their time) are there right on par with what you’d expect Super Nintendo to produce. Take for instance when Crono is placed on Trial for treason. The plot line takes moments you thought were insignificant and meaningless and brings them to the forefront. The actions you took at a carnival are used for or against you as a judge of character. There are very interesting and unforeseen plot weaves throughout the game that connect past, present and future events.

Chrono Trigger has a great musical score and sound effects. There is great balance when music is played and when complete silence is much more fitting and dramatic. When Crono is crawling around and spying in the ventilation shafts of a massive enemy warplane, the producers chose complete silence. There’s an occasional sound that you’d expect to hear if you were crawling around in a ventilation shaft - a few ticks here…a few scrapes there. The musical composer of Chrono Trigger, Yasunori Mitsuda, apparently was so devoted to the project he slept in his studio on occasion. Mitsuda contemplated, “I wanted to create music that wouldn’t fit into any established genre…music of an imaginary world.”

The element of time travel gives Chrono Trigger a mass appeal. Time travel is a universally accepted fantasy that almost none would argue they wouldn’t like to posses. The element of time travel explored in Chrono Trigger is the Grandfather Paradox. According to Wikipedia, “The paradox is this: suppose a man traveled back in time and killed his biological grandfather before the latter met the traveler’s grandmother. As a result, one of the traveler’s parents (and by extension the traveler himself) would never have been conceived. This would imply that he could not have traveled back in time after all, which in turn implies the grandfather would still be alive, and the traveler would have been conceived allowing him to travel back in time and kill his grandfather. Thus each possibility seems to imply its own negation, a type of logical paradox.” If that alone doesn’t make you want to pick up Chrono Trigger I don’t know what would.

Chrono Trigger is simply a classic RPG on a classic system. Never having played Chrono Trigger would garner the same reaction from me as you’d get from an English teacher who just found you’ve never read Lord of the Flies. Certainly not the end-all-be-all of video games, but a must-play. One of the best Super Nintendo games of all time.

Managing expectations is hard to do in all aspects of life.  When it came to creating a movie after Darko, Kelly had his hands tied.  In a movie industry where originality is hard to come by, we can give Kelly credit for pushing the boundaries of what narratives (or lack there of) we see on the screen.  Darko was original, it was unique, it had depth, it had character that set it apart and welcomed its cult audience.

Southland Tales, in an attempt to chase those same qualities, has not quite met the challenge (upon first viewing).  I didn’t understand Darko the first time I watched it, but I enjoyed the experience.  I didn’t feel that way with Southland.  If Darko was Kelly’s Eraserhead, then maybe Southland is his Dune.  There are so many ideas sliding into Kelly’s swirling vortex of pop culture overload and apocalyptic forecasting that it’s understandable not to find coherence in it. I can recommend this movie with a disclaimer… if you’re willing to put in the time, I’m sure you’ll find it was a worthy cinematic experience.

Southlan Tales Movie Review

According to their website, “Vagabond embodies world travel and its pleasure; bringing back items from different places for its decor; great stories shared with people and most importantly, simple yet delicious recipes from different cultures.” Don’t go to Vagabond expecting anything traditional. What you can expect is at least 5 menu items that you’ve never seen any other restaurant serve up. The decor and ambiance of Vagabond is unlike any other. True to their creed, Vagabonds decor is very eclectic and it’s a perfect fit in San Diego’s South Park neighborhood.

I would recommend reservations for a Friday or Saturday night and be sure to show up 45 minutes early to grab a drink in the bar area. Order a drink you’ve never had before since you’re about to eat a dish you’ve never had before. Vagabond is all about the experience - they do a great job creating this multicultural atmosphere; a definite one-of-a-kind.

The calamari appetizer is excellent but clearly don’t expect traditional Italian-restaurant-style calamari. I ordered the pork chop entree which came in a large bowl filled with rice and various other items; not a stew. As anticipated, it was different, unique, and unlike anything I’ve had before. It was also pretty good.

Vagabond makes a great date spot too because it’s an experience. Hey guys, taking a date to sushi is the easy way out these days - it shows no thought. A date at a sushi restaurant is far too predictable. There’s a good chance your date has not heard of Vagabond. Vagabond looks like a hole in the whole from the outside, which makes the experience that much better. Once you’re inside grabbing a drink 45 minutes prior to your reservation, she’ll be very surprised at this “hidden gem”. Don’t go to Vagabond expecting to spend less than $85 and be prepared to be eating in close quarters with your neighbor…all part of the experience.