Every guy will tell you at one point or another he’s seen or meet a girl that’s dating a complete and total loser. If the guy who sees this girl dating a loser is in fact single himself, he’ll tell himself, “Ahh, I can’t believe that. Why can’t I find a nice girl like that?” That thought quickly turns into frustration and he will soon wonder, “Why even bother.”
Here’s the spin - although I see this all the time (girls dating losers), you have to give the loser credit. After all, he had the balls to talk to that girl in the first place. That loser was willing to put himself out there and try to get the girl. If he gets the girl, who are you to say anything? He has balls, you don’t. Even with this, it’s still frustrating to see. The main reason why girls date losers, and still wont break up with them after something bad has happened, is because women think like this:
I know he’s not the best guy for me - but he’s going to change soon. After he dates me for a little bit longer, he will definitely start to change.
A “smart” guy can definitely use this to his advantage. By smart I mean if a guy plays his cards right he can get a nice, hot girl just like that loser did. Let’s say you have a female friend (strictly friends), and she introduces you to her girlfriend. Her girlfriend is interested in your right off the bat but your female friend tells her girlfriend that you are a total sleaze ball scum bag. Guess what? That does not matter at all. Your female friends’ friend will still think that she will be able to change you if you start dating her.
I know she said he’s a scum bag and all, but I can change him. I just need to start dating him and I promise he’ll change. He’ll realize how amazing I am and completely change his ways for me.
Keep this in mind the next time you see that hotty with that dude over there. This is one of many irrational behaviors I have noticed in women.
NFL network, nfl draft, mike mayock, espn, UConn draft
While watching the NFL draft this weekend, I had given myself the rather lofty goal of assessing the different team’s drafts. Originally, I was just going to right a general piece about draft winners and losers that by no means included all 32 teams. After thinking about that a bit (and having to deal with my internet going out) I decided to change my stance. Since there is so much time between now and the beginning of the season, I’m going to go through each division and discuss each team’s draft day performance. Before I get to that, I thought I would talk about some general thoughts I had during the draft.
Has the NFL Network (NFLN) finally surpassed ESPN for draft day coverage? Since the NFLN came into being, I have switched back and forth between ESPN and NFLNs draft coverage. This year I happened to stick mainly to NFLN and I wasn’t disappointed.
NFL Network's Mike Mayock
Here are some of the things I liked about NFLN’s coverage. First, the High-Def feed and, in general, overall production value. I wouldn’t think that HD would be draft maker or breaker, for me, but when switching between NFLN and ESPN it was apparent that NFLN had the better picture. I mean, it was hard to believe ESPN was filming at the same location. It looked like someone turned the lights out on the ESPN crew. Next, I really respect the player evaluations of Charlie Casserly and Mike Mayock. Casserly, a former GM, knows how a war room works. Mayock, a former player and current college football evaluator, was spot on with a number of team pick predictions. The final reason I liked NFL Network, no Mel Kiper, Jr. I cannot stand Mel Kiper, Jr. He has this persona that he is an aging Harvard grad and we have to respect his opinion because he is better than us. First of all, he graduated form Essex Community College. Secondly, I like my football advice from a guy that has experience not a guy that drinks tea with his pinky pointed out. Don’t get me wrong, I respect what he was able to do for football and the draft and I know that some people love his onscreen persona, just don’t count me in that group. According to Wikipedia, he named his dog Mel Kiper, III! [Editor’s Note: If it’s on Wikipedia, it must be true.]
Here are some things I did not like about NFLN’s coverage. The amount of time Rich Eisen and the rest of the crew plugged a sponsor. It seemed like every other sentence had some form of the word “twitter” in it. I respect the fact that you wanted to create a new way to engage the audience but take it down a notch. It took until the second day of coverage for a draft ticker to be added to the bottom of the screen. I realize there are only two rounds on the first day but there is no way I am going to remember all 64 draftees, positions and teams. Finally, with how much we have progressed with censorship, there has to be a way to edit out Jon Gruden continually reminding anyone who would listen that he is no longer an active NFL coach. It just got sad after awhile.
NFL Draft Quote of the year: “If he ends up on the Love Boat smokin’ a bone, we all got problems.” Mike Mayock, on the Minnesota Vikings drafting Percy Harvin (tested positive at the Combine for marijuana).
The Patriots got great value for Darius Butler in the 2nd round
Finally, I think some congratulations are in order for the University of Connecticut. Just 4 years after their football program entered D1-A (and became a member of the Big East), they had 4 players drafted in the first two rounds. That was tied for second with Ohio State University and only one player from tying USC who had the first day lead. Unfortunately, UCONN was unable to keep up the pace in the second day and fell off the top school list. I’m hopeful that this kind of recognition will help their recruiting class and eventually make them an elite football school. Maybe then people will stop calling the back of the End Zone the “Dan Orlovsky Line.”
Stay tuned for the coming NFC and AFC divisional reviews…
No. 10) Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Who? Mr. Hand teaches history class at Ridgemont High. His main goal is to make an example out of Jeff Spicoli simply because he’s a slacker. Taking Spicoli’s stoner behavior personally, Mr. Hand rips up Spicoli’s class schedule, shows up at Spicoli’s house, confiscates and then distributes a pizza Spicoli ordered with his own money. After all, if you were learning about Cuba, wouldn’t you want some food? Mr. Hand was very close flunking Spicoli - what a dick.
"Mr. Spicoli, just what in the hell do you think you're doing?"
No. 9) Ma Fratelli from The Goonies
Who? Mama Fratelli is a gang leader just trying to track down some treasure. Mama Fratelli is nasty but turned even nastier when she discovered a local group of teenagers were going after the same treasure she was. The other gang members are Mama Fratelli’s sons; including the deformed outcast Fratelli brother Sloth.
"Now tell me where your other little friends are."
No. 8) Roy Stalin from Better Off Dead
Who? Roy Stalin is the arrogant, sleaze ball captain of the elite Greendale High School ski team located in Northern California. Despite rumors that he can ski the K-12 successfully, Stalin purposely cuts Lane Meyer from the ski team to steal his girlfriend; this consequently ruins Meyer’s life prompting several failed suicide attempts. Just the name - Roy Stalin - makes me shutter.
Under the undesirable tutelage of Stalin, nerd & loser Ricky Smith becomes a pawn in Stalin’s quest to ruin Meyer. Stalin’s puppeteering comes to end when Meyer defeats Ricky in a ski-pole duel at the base of the K-12 mountain - a more epic site for a high-stakes ski-pole sword fight there is not. The K-12 is an infamous ski mountain that Meyer’s side-kick, Charles DeMar, determines to be of incredible street value.
Lane Meyers quest to end his life fails (thankfully) when he skis the K-12, finds a new girlfriend, befriends Ricky, and restores a’67 Camaro - and I wonder why my views of what adulthood should be are skewed.
"Shut up, geek."
No. 7) Dean Vernon Wormer from Animal House
Who? Dean Vernon Wormer’s sole lot in life is to shut down Delta Tau Chi House at Faber College. Delta House is assembled of one of the most motley crews of all time. Wormer would do anything to shut down Delta house including placing them on “double secret probation” and assigning members of a rival fraternity to rid the Deltas of Faber once and for all.
During a meeting of the Deltas, Wormer interrupts threatening to shut them down if their grade point average drops any lower. Despite facing certain expulsion (one Delta House member dons a 0.0 GPA), the Deltas throw a toga party in defiance. Wormer’s wife ends up crashing the party and spends the night with one of the Deltas - the final straw for the dean.
They are? Well, as of this moment, they're on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!
No. 6) Bennett from Commando
Who? Former ally and member of Col. John Matrix’s (Arnold Schwarzenegger) ‘elite commando unit’, Bennett war hired to kidnap Matrix’s daughter by evil dictator Val Verde. After turning his back on Matrix and successfully kidnapping his daughter, Bennett proves to be heartless, evil, and one of the most hated people ever to grace the big screen.
Bennett’s evil deeds were only outdone by his own fatal flaw - crossing the main character of a movie played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is a no-no. Bennett was finally taken down when Matrix impaled him with a giant pipe. The pipe went through Bennett’s stomach and into a furnace; which prompts the famous “Let off some steam” line.
"Don't you know what today is Matrix? Pay Day!"
No. 5) Max Zorin from A View to a Kill
Who? The following terms can be used to describe Max Zorin: Business man (microchips), horse racing fan, phenomenal fashion sense, ruthless, peculiar taste in women, result of a Nazi World World II experiment to create “Super Children”. Hmm, what was that last one again??
Although that last piece of information makes us pity Zorin, plans to cause an earthquake to flood Silicon Valley wiping out Zorin’s only competition makes us realize he’s clinically insane. Without batting an eye, Zorin will kill his own men if it means achieving his goals. In a lesser showing of pure evil, Zorin also proves his willingness to cheat by installing microchips (his specialty) in horses in order to win races.
Thankfully British Secret Service was aware of Zorin’s scheming and sent their top 00 agent to investigate. The 00 agent, 007, infiltrated Zorin’s french estate under the alias of Syngen Smythe. Quickly alerted to his presence, Zorin launches a proxy-war against 007 to allow him to believe he’s still incognito.
Zorin and Bond would later meet atop the Golden Gate bridge for a final confrontation. England’s top 00 agent proved to be too much for Zorin. Ironically, Zorin plummeted to his death in the San Fransisco bay - the very waters he was going to use to flood Silicon Valley.
"Enjoy yourself, you'll find the young ladies stimulating company."
No. 4) SenseiJohn Kreese of the Cobra Kai Dojo - from The Karate Kid
Who? Under the direction of ex-Special Forces Vietnam Veteran, Sensei John Kreese and the disciples of the Cobra Kai dojo show no mercy. Sensei Kreese steers his students away from the main principal of martial arts - that being martial arts is used for self defense. Kreese wrongly encourages his students to bully weaker opponents; a task easily accomplished for disciples of Sensei Kreese. The mantra of the Cobra Kai dojo is to “strike first. strike hard.”
Although Sensei Kreese’s students share (willingly or not) his attitude, they are just students. Sensei Kreese does not understand this and does not accept failure (a normal part of the learning process). Students who fail are worthless. During the All Valley Karate Tournament, Sensei Kreese demands that a student try to take out Daniel LaRusso (cheif rival to Cobra Kai) with a cheap shot. “Sweep the leg” Sensei Kreese demands.
During the championship round of the All Valley Karate Tournament, much to Sensei Kreese’s dismay, LaRussa is able to preform; albeit hobbling from having his leg swept. Sensei Kreese loses control after LaRussa executes the “Krane Kick” under pressure and dispatches his Cobra Kai rival to win the All Valley Karate Tournament.
STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR
No. 3) Dean of Students, Mr. Edward Rooney from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Who? Ed Rooney is the Dean of Students of a high school and undoubtedly has many responsibilities. Despite this, he focuses all of his mental, physical and spiritual energy to bust Ferris Bueller - on the schools dime. Bueller is loved by nearly all - perhaps suggesting during Rooney’s youth, he was hated by all; if not then, certainly now.
Whether Rooney is trying to exact revenge or not is unclear, what is clear is that he wants to bring Ferris Bueller down. No matter what ruse Rooney hatches in an effort to ensnare Bueller, Bueller is always one step ahead of Rooney. This naturally infuriates Rooney more, and more. To make matters even worse for Rooney - Bueller always avoids him in stunning fashion.
"How would you feel about another *year* of high school? Under my close personal supervision."
No. 2) Biff Howard Tannen from Back to the Future
Who? Biff Tannen is one bad dude. He was born on March 26, 1937 in Hill Valley, California. To the best of my knowledge, every Tannen man of his generation has bullied every McFly man of his generation. Biff Tannen is no exception - picking on his McFly virtually every day; the only thing the Tannen men apply themselves towards. George McFly also does Biff’s homework on a daily basis - this is the only reason Biff passed high school.
If it were not for the unthinkable circumstances of George McFly’s son, Marty McFly, the senior McFly would have spent his entire lifetime being bullied by Tannen. Great Scott indeed. Marty McFly was able to reverse the fortunes of all McFly generations with the help of Scientist / Physicist Emmett Brown, cunning ingenuity and the ability to think on his feet.
"Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?"
No. 1) Captain James Hook from Hook
Who? Captain James Hook (Dustin Hoffman) needs no introduction. Second to none, Hook is the greatest antagonist of all time. Hooks only goal in life is to shake Peter Pan with his hook hand - revenge for when Pan cut off Hook’s hand and fed it to a crocodile. To make matters worse, the crocodile enjoyed the taste of Hooks hand and now follows him around trying to get a taste of more. Oddly enough the same crocodile swallowed a clock so Hook can here him coming…or ticking; Hook developed a fear of clocks from this as well (especially ticking clocks).
Hook clearly has an obsession with making Peter Pan and The Lost Boys walk the plank. Some say that Hook wants total control of Never Never Land. I believe he regrets that he grew up; abandoning the boy within himself - something all men think about. It is clear he is jealous of Peter Pan and The Lost Boys.
"He'll crow. He'll fight. He'll fly. And then... he'll die."
As some of you may have read, Contributor A recently gave Filiberto’s Mexican Restaurant a not so stellar review. While I don’t exactly disagree with him, I thought I would pass on the rules for safe eating at Fili-B’s.
Chimichanga
First, here is a bit of an intro/warning about Mexican restaurants in the South West. For those of you who don’t know, Mexican restaurants in the South West are as close to real Mexican food as you can get. They are not like Chili’s or On the Boarder or whatever local restaurant you frequent for your Mexican food needs (including Taco Bell). The food is authentic which means it may not live up to your expectations or quality standards. I wouldn’t say it tastes “funny” but, from growing up on the East Coast, I would say it tastes different than you might expect. In terms of quality standards, let’s just say they don’t always pass their inspections. If either of these are issues for you, I’d probably stop reading here because these rules won’t help.
Now, these rules did not just come out of the blue. They were born out of necessity. Just before moving back to the East Coast, my roommate purchased a discount coupon book for Filiberto’s. He gave the book to me just days before he left. So there I was with a book full of free food and the concern that said food might actually kill me. I know what you’re thinking, you thought the food might kill you but you ate it anyway. What can I say? I’m cheap.
Rule #1: Whenever possible eat Filiberto’s drunk. As Contributor A discussed when he ate the food drunk it was amazing. Eating drunk provides two advantages. One, it opens up the entire menu to you. I’m not exactly sure why this is but when you are drunk there is not a single thing on the menu that will taste bad, even the pork carnitas. Second, you are laying the groundwork for a quick and successful hangover recovery. Trust me, if you eat the carnitas you are going to want to be good and drunk.
Beef Taco Plate
Rule #2: If you are going to eat Filiberto’s sober, there are only FIVE acceptable menu items to eat. They are, in no particular order, five rolled tacos with cheese and guacamole, a bean and cheese burrito, a chimichanga, the steak, egg and cheese burrito (A.K.A. hangover super-food), and the beef tacos. With regard to the chimichanga, make sure you order a specific meat. If you order just a chimichanga, you will get what I like to call “mystery meat”. I call it that not because you can’t identify it but because you won’t know what you have until you bite into it and more often than not, it is the pork carnitas.
Rule #3: Whether drunk or sober, always order extra red sauce. It provides valuable flavor and I like to think the spice provides a little antibacterial muscle to the meal. While that may not be true, I won’t believe you if you tell me otherwise.
There ya go, three rules to live by when eating Filiberto’s Mexican Food. Although, I’m willing to bet these same rules would apply to any South Western Mexican restaurant.
Now, why didn’t Contributor A know these rules? Well, I must admit, I always found it a bit funny watching him take his visiting friends to Filiberto’s for the first time. The ensuing horror stories that came out of those meals were hysterical. It’s kinda like taking someone to In N Out Burger for the first time and not telling them about the Animal Style burger (sorry Right Coasters but that was the best analogy I could come up with). You know they’ll probably like animal style better but enjoy the feeling of not giving them a choice because animal style isn’t a choice, it’s a right of passage. “Those are good burgers, Walter. – Shut the fuck up, Donny.”
And he missed it! Zags with no timeouts! They gotta hurry! Here comes the All-America! Morrison! 6! FIIIIIIEERRRS! GOTTTT IT! OOHH!!!! WHHOOAAA!! What A Game! Larry Bird?! Maybe?!
-Gonzaga Bulldogs Basketball vs Oklahoma State Cowboys Basketball, 2006
Is it just me or does Gus Johnson have a knack for being the play-by-play announcer for epic games? During Gus Johnson’s first year on the job he was the play-by-play announcer when Princeton upset UCLA in 1996. “That was my first year - and I said to myself when that game was over ‘Wow. If the rest of the years are like this, I think I’m going to like this job. ‘”
Pete Carril and the Pricenton Tigers have got a chance to win it! … Princeton! With the basketball! Under 10! Back door! They got it! The Princeton Tigers have pulled the upset! They BEAT the defending National Champions! Unbelievable!
-Princeton Tigers Basketball vs UCLA Bruins Basketball March, 1996
It’s truly amazing how much better it is to watch a game called by Gus Johnson. Great moments become memorable and extraordinary. He’s so into what he’s doing you can’t help but to feed off his emotion. The most memorable moment from the 2006 NCAA Tournament is UCLA vs Gonzaga. Why is that? Sure, a 17-point turnaround. Sure, a very excitable last few moments. It has everything to do with Gus Johnson and what is now known as the Heart Break City call:
The man has a phenomenal talent. His announcing is so good I wonder why he doesn’t get National Championship games and other major events. Why do the big games always go to the likes of Jim Nantz, Bill Raftery and Vern Lundquist? It makes no sense. Jim Nantz is a boring announcer. Billy Packer is a boring color guy. CBS should allow the fans to vote on who they’d like to have announce the NCAA Championship game. I would prefer Gus Johnson calling Connecticut Basketball’s point guard A.J. Price the “Amityville Horror” opposed to hearing Bill Raftery say “We got a little nickel-dimer here”.
Here comes Roscoe! Watch Out! BANG! (Buffalo Bills)
A lot of people don’t understand why I have such an affinity for play-by-play announcers. Don’t you have a favorite
Gus Johnson is the all-time greatest
actor? Or a favorite band you’d prefer to listen to at a party? Sure you do. When I’m watching sports, I prefer my favorite announcer calling the game - it makes for a more enjoyable experience. Next time you’re watching a sporting event and the announcers are boring you to death - you’ll sit back and thing, “hmm, so this is what he’s talking about.” Bad announcing can ruin a game for me.
Speaking of bad announcing, I’d just like to take a minute to announce the worst play-by-play announce team of all time: John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman. They call the Yankees Games on the radio (hopefully not anymore).
Please remove John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman from the air.
They are hands down the worst personalities ever. How did they get that job in the first place? Wow - they are dreadful. The odds of either one of these two individuals ever reading this small blurb about them is very low. But if there is some chance, some how one of the two (preferably both) actually read this one day - please retire. John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman you two are the worst of the worst.
Back to good announcers & Gus Johnson. It’s a shame CBS gives him either Buffalo Bills games or Houston Texans games to call. He never gets playoff games either. Give Gus a shot! If you’re ever sitting there, watching a basketball game and you hear Gus Johnson get excited and say, “The shot clock is turned off!” rise to your feet and get ready…
Filibertos Mexican Restaurants satisfies their customers by “featuring quality food”; I’ll let you be the judge. During my first experience with Filibertos (like many things) I was drunk and thought it was really good. Considering this, a few days later, I went back - sober. Filibertos, or as it’s lovingly referred to by some, “Fili B’s”, is not really good. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of really good. The official website of Filibertos Mexican Restaurants has one of those ‘hit counters’ at the bottom. You know, those little widgets that both count AND display the number of times a site has been visited. Also at the very bottom of the site, there is a link that reads, “Site Created by Click Computer Services” - just take a minute and visit their website. They obviously have cutting-edge web developers working for them.
There is no Wikipedia entry for Filibertos Mexican Restaurants. I don’t know - doesn’t everything have a Wikipedia entry?
A Filibertos sign in Tempe, Arizona
Filibertos is amazingly cheap though. You can go in their (hopefully drunk) and for $5 walk out pretty full (for better or worse). Apparently Ricky Martin comes to Filibertos on Saturdays and Sunday only - you can see him and his band play for only $4.80. What a deal.
When eating food from Filibertos, sober, you don’t even experience that special feeling. You know the feeling I’m talking about, the This-Orange-Chicken-From-Panda-Express-is-so-Delicious-While-I’m-Eating-it-but-30-Minutes-Later-I-Want-to-Die-feeling. Filibertos is bad from start to finish. As a 25-year-old guy, I’d still eat from Filibertos again because I’d eat anything (except olives) - so perhaps this whole post is meaningless.
The last time I went to Filibertos I had two cold enchiladas that I don’t think were supposed to be cold. I can’t be entirely sure though (please see post not yet written - The time Contributor A ate a fruit rollup with the plastic still on). Regardless, I ate the two cold enchiladas anyway. Thankfully the drive-thru was open 24-hours at that location so I’ll definitely be able to grab those whenever.
Go ahead - try it. Filibertos Mexican Food. You didn’t hear it here first.
Anquan Boldin, trade, rumors, giants, cardinals, salary, bio
In this Debate Post, the two contributors wonder if Anquan Boldin will be playing for the New York Giants during the 2009 - 2010 NFL Season. The debate format is as follows: Statement, Rebuttal, Redirect. Let’s listen in as Contributor A offers his Redirect…
First of all, I agree, the Wells/Brown comparison was a cheap shot. Given the incredibly weak argument I opened with, I had to take that shot (sometimes the best defense is a good offense). Also, I have seen a lot of evaluation charts that list Wells above Brown despite his durability issues. In fact, I have read some articles that have given Brown a second round grade (although that is probably more to do with team needs than his talent). Anyway, the point I was trying to make is that Wells and Brown are more “similar” in talent that Moreno and McCoy. Regardless of all of that, I agree with you that Brown is a better running back and I can only hope he is available at 31 and the Cardinals pull the trigger (fingers will be firmly crossed from this moment forward).
I like how you talked about team needs to help make your point. While I didn’t explicitly state it, I was considering that same thing when I came up with my value for Boldin. The value I came up with was the result of many things. First, the Cardinals would want to get the most value they can for any player they trade (basic negotiating 101).
Anquan Boldin truckin'
It is no secret the Bidwills are some of the cheapest owners in the NFL. I would imagine we would see some of that trickle into trade negotiations. Next, considering the complicated passing tree the Cardinals use, it would be hard to replace Boldin. The high-octane offense would not survive especially with 2 years left for Warner. It does not matter how much of a break out year Steve Breaston had, he could not replace Boldin. More to the point, Breaston lacks the versatility that Boldin brings to the table. Whisenhunt loves gadget plays and Boldin is the perfect player to utilize in those plays (he played QB in college and has lined up as a FB/RB with the Cards). Finally, I don’t think the Cardinals really want to trade Boldin in the first place so they would make an offer everyone would refuse. [Editors Note: While writing this article the Cardinals have released information the Boldin is on the trading block although they remain adamant they would prefer to keep him. Early speculation is that they are asking for a 1st and 3rd round picks]
Rice & Taylor? Duper & Clayton? Are Boldin & Fitzgerald the best ever?
In regards to your counter offers (i.e. third round pick and Hixon or a “2nd round pick – maybe”): I respect trying to lowball the counter in a similar way I highballed my initial offer. However, Hixon would never fit into AZ’s offense. The fact that Boldin compliments Fitzgerald’s style is what makes the offense work. True, Boldin doesn’t have the speed to break away from a lot of the Corner Backs in the league. But, he makes up for it with route running and Yards After the Catch. Fitz is the deep threat and Boldin is the guy that turns into a running back when he gets the ball in his hands. Based on that, Hixon’s skill set would not provide help now or in the future. The second round pick would have to be the one received from the Saints in the Shockey trade (13th pick, 45 overall). This way the Cards can try to take a receiver with the first pick and try to get a running back with the 45th pick. To help solidify the opportunity to get a receiver, I would expect the Cardinals to request a swap of first round picks, in addition to the second round pick. That would make the trade essentially equal to a 2nd and a 5th without having to give up a player (which is less than what the Browns are asking for Braylon Edwards).At the end of the day, the Cardinals are going to want more simply because of the impact losing him will have on their team. Given the Giants needs, I don’t think they are willing to pay the price for Boldin. While we both approached the situation differently, Contributor A and I both made the same point: Anquan Boldin will not be wearing New York Giant Blue.
I will leave you with one last thing to think about. There are two other NFC East teams that are interested in Boldin (Eagles and Redskins). Both teams already have a deep threat in DeSean Jackson and Santana Moss, respectively (should eliminate all interest in Braylon Edwards). Not to mention the Eagles run a West Coast offense that fits Boldin’s skills perfectly (not to mention they have the picks to get a deal done). Now, I realize that the Giants want someone to spread the coverage but could they settle for someone who will convert on 3rd and long especially if it prevents a divisional rival from getting better?
Tourettes Guy has to be one of the most hilarious set of videos I’ve seen on the internet - ever. It’s too bad that his website is down and his entry has been inexplicably removed from Wikipedia. There are a ton of posts / questions out there debating the authenticity of Tourettes Guy. Who cares if it’s real or fake; Tourettes Guy is hilarious. I’ve also heard the rumor that the Tourettes Guy himself, Danny, has died and this is why the owner of the site removed him from the internet so to speak (i.e., taking down Wikipedia and activating domain parking on site). I have no way to know if Danny is still among us or not - I can only hope so…
Tourettes Guy has many expressions
The first time I saw a clip of Tourettes Guy a co-worker first asked me if I knew what Alf is. Quickly explaining I wore a yellow Alf t-shirt in my youth, he sent me the clip. Once I saw the Alf clip, and Danny berates his Grandma for not knowing what Alf is, I was hooked. After all, if you’re 93-years-old, and you don’t know what Alf is, I just don’t know what to tell you.
Any Tourettes Guy fan will tell you while the Alf clip is funny, it’s not nearly as good as they get - not even close. The Alf clip is very sedated compared to most. For example, when the son of Tourettes Guy wonders what the actor who played Data on Star Trek is up these Days, only Tourettes guy would surmise that he’s “probably getting fucked in the ass”. Perhaps there is something deeper, some reading between the lines that needs to be going on. Wouldn’t you be furious if somebody wrinkled your Randy Travis poster? Pissed on your seat? And hid your keys? I think you would be.
In this Debate Post, the two contributors wonder if Anquan Boldin will be playing for the New York Giants during the 2009 - 2010 NFL Season. The debate format is as follows: Statement, Rebuttal, Redirect. Let’s listen in as Contributor A offers his rebuttal…
I can’t go into this article without saying how ridiculously furious I am if you think Chris Wells is better than Donald Brown - you’re crazy. Donald Brown is light years ahead of Chris “I have the worst nick name in sports” Wells. According to Wikipedia, Wells “got the nickname because when I was a baby, I came out and my big brother said I had a bean head.”
…no comment……cough….uuhhh…..
Beyond the childish obvious of Wells sporting a hideous nickname, and outside of the fact that Donald Brown LED THE NATION IN RUSHING last year…please refer to Donald Browns’ NFL combine stats. Out of the Running Back group, Donald Brown finished near or at the top in 6 out of 7 categories:
40-yard dash: 4.51 sec - 5th place (Placed ahead of Wells)
Vertical Jump: 41.5″ - 1st place (Placed ahead of Wells)
Broad Jump: 10′5″ - 2nd place (Wells beat Brown by 3 inches)
3 Cone Drill: 6.93 - 8th place (Placed ahead of Wells)
20-yard Shuttle: 4.10 - 2nd place (Placed ahead of Wells)
60-yard Shuttle: 11.30 - 1st place (Placed ahead of Wells)
Those are the numbers - here is some visual evidence. This is Donald Brown squatting near 600 pounds at 210 body weight. Yikes.
Breathe….breathe…OK…I get a extremely defensive when it comes to my alma matter. Back to the matter at hand. Should the New York Giants go after Anquan Boldin? I’m a major, big-time New York Giants fan. I grew up in Connecticut and have been cheering the Giants on since December 25th, 1983 - coincidentally I was born on that day too. I believe my first words were, “Mark Bavaro”.
When we lost Plaxico Burress last year, I was all about the rumors I was hearing that the Giants would try to go after Anquan Boldin to replace Plax - I’m still for it. However, I’m not as all-in as I once was. The New York Giants usually draft well. Let’s take a trip down memory lane - just a couple highlights:
1983 - 2nd Round - Leonard Marshall
1985 - 4th Round - Mark Bavaro (apparently I didn’t speak until I was 2)
1993 - 2nd Round - Michael Strahan
2005 - 3rd Round - Justin Tuck
2005 - 4th Round - Brandon Jacobs
Do the Giants give up any of their ridiculous amount of draft picks for Anquan Boldin? Interesting because there are 3 Wide Receivers that, if the Giants drafted, I would be very happy with:
Michael Crabtree (I’d give up anything for him)
Hakeem Nicks (UConn vs UNC - Not Pretty)
Kenny Britt
I would under no circumstance package a first round pick and any Giants wide receiver for Boldin. Never. I would give up a 2nd round - maybe. I would package a first round pick and any receiver but Steve Smith to trade up for Crabtree. Steve Smith has become a very reliable receiver; Giants fans love him. With the talent at wide receiver in the draft Boldin is not worth giving up a first round draft pick. Hopefully this plays into the Giants hands.
Yes, Todd Haley is gone. With Larry Fitzgerald quickly becoming one of the greatest wide receivers of all time, does that lower Boldin’s value? Boldin is very talented and I’d love to have him. Just not for a first round draft pick. I’m sorry, he is not worth that. On the other hand, the Bears made a very good move - they addressed a need. Cutler is 100x better than overrated Mark Sanchez. I don’t know anything about Staffords game to comment on him…
Giants receiver Mario Manningham has ridiculous talent
The Giants don’t need to fire sale their draft picks for a good receiver. We needed to fire sale our draft picks to get Eli Manning; a once-in-a-lifetime player. Giants fans know we were about to pull out all the stops to draft John Elway in 1983 but didn’t do it. We didn’t make the same mistake twice with Manning.
Anquan Boldin is not even remotely close to a once-in-a-lifetime player. Cardinals fans, take a 3rd round pick and the
speedy Domenik Hixon. Sinorice Moss is ready to contribute (he’s had the injury bug). The Giants should try to steal Anquan Boldin or not at all. If we are going to go all in for anybody, it needs to be Michael Crabtree.
Mario Manningham is waiting in the wings. No Giants fans (except me) are predicting big things out of Manningham this season. I’m telling you - Manningham will produce this year. Mario Manngingham’s first season was an adjustment period to say the least - that’s being kind. Giants fans don’t even know who he is. Hey Giants fans - he’s a beast! Get ready.
Just Tuck is a Superstar
The biggest reason we do not need to sacrafice anything for Anquan Boldin is we’ve bolstered our defense dramatically. The Giants have made significant moves to bring in big-time talent on the defensive side of the ball. The Giants have always been a team built on defense…always.
Anquan Boldin, Rumors, hit, stats, contract, bio, face
In this Debate Post, the two contributors wonder if Anquan Boldin will be playing for the New York Giants during the 2009 - 2010 NFL Season. The debate format is as follows: Statement, Rebuttal, Redirect. Let’s listen in as Contributor B makes his opening statement…
Where will Boldin play?
Living in Phoenix, it is hard not to be a Cardinals fan. Actually, it is pretty easy for most of our city (Yes, I’m pointing my finger at all you fans that jumped on the band wagon last year). I have lived all over the country and have rooted for many different teams but when I moved to AZ I entrenched myself in the Cardinals. What can I say, I’m a sucker for the under dog. Just to be clear, I’m no expert on football operations or even the Cardinals history (my history with them started in 2004). But one thing I do know, Anquan Boldin will not be traded to the Giants (at least not for draft picks alone).
There has been a lot of speculation, since before the regular season was even over, that the Giants were interested in Boldin. It is no secret that their two top receivers (Burress and Toomer) are now Free Agents. With the remaining receivers on the roster all still a little wet behind the ears, it is easy to connect the dots that the G-men might look outside the draft for a receiver.
Now, they do have some multi-year vets. Guys like David Tyree (with 6 years), Hixon (with 4), Moss (4), newly acquired fellow ASU alum Derek Hagan (also with 4), and Smith (with 3). Tyree would have good stats, if you add up all six years, burn! We all saw what Hixon could do last year. He did show flashes of greatness but I don’t think he’s ready yet. Even though it hurts me to say it, Hagan has pretty much been a non-factor in Miami and will probably continue to be in NY. Realistically, the only guys on the roster who should expect to see decent playing time is Moss and Smith. Of the two, Steve Smith has seen the most playing time and that still isn’t a lot. Like I said earlier, it is pretty clear that adding another rook to the roster won’t have much impact.
Steve Smith celebrates
Some quick history, Anquan Boldin was drafted in the middle of the second round of the 2003 draft (54th overall). I know, I was pretty surprised too. With the way he’s played, I assumed he was their first pick in the draft. Ironically enough, the first pick was the big bust, Bryant Johnson. Naturally the Cardinals are going to be looking for first round talent in a trade (in all likelihood they are looking for close to a Roy Williams type trade, close not exact). His resume speaks for itself; three time pro bowler, 2003 offensive rookie of the year, a bunch of NFL records, not to mention a couple plates and screws from a vicious hit he took against the Jets last season.
So, let us look at the Anquan Boldin trade by the numbers. Let’s say the Cardinals are looking for a top 15 pick just to start negotiations. According to the draft pick value chart, that equates to 1050 points. The Giants have a first round pick 29, second round picks 45 and 60, third round picks 91 and 100, fourth round pick 129, and fifth round picks 151 and 164. Of course they have more picks but the point drop off in points is pretty quick after the third round. Anyway, there are two more likely ways the Giants could add up to 1050. They would have to package picks 29, 60, and either 91 or 100. The difference in going with pick 91 or 100 is about 36 points (1076 or 1040, respectively).
Either package would severely alter the Giants draft and it doesn’t provide a lot of benefit for the Cardinals. The Giants would pick 45th then not again until the end of the third round. Realistically this would leave them with Boldin, a potential 2nd round starter, and the possibility of getting lucky if someone slides to the end of the third round. The Cardinals would lose Boldin and gain the opportunity to pick three additional players. However the grade of those players won’t be much better than those they would get with their current picks. The difference in talent will be along the lines of the difference between Chris Wells and Donald Brown not like the difference between Knowshon Moreno and LeSean McCoy.
I want to start by saying this: super nes plane game side scroller. U.N. Squadron is a side-scrolling shoot-em-up constant-action airplane game where the goal is to eradicate everything in site. As a young kid playing Gradius, (please see post not yet written - Most Frustrating Games Ever: Gradius) there is nothing more frustrating when you die after just one hit. U.N. Squadron’s ‘combat system’ is amazing in the sense that it allows you to take hits, accrue damage to your plane, and the ability to regain health. This ‘combat system’ allows for a much more pleasurable game experience. Imagine playing Halo or Gears of War and dying after one bullet - not very fun and very frustrating.
Although I love the original Contra, (please see post not yet written - Best Video Game Music Ever: Contra) getting clipped after one bullet is annoying. Back to U.N. Squadron - it all started in elementry school. I had a subscription to Nintendo Power and I remember seeing the ad for U.N. Squadron and I had to play. I asked my mom to rent me a video game for the weekend - I did not specify which one. I simply said, “a video game”. I tend to stay away from words such as ‘Fate’ and ‘Destiny’, but as fate would have it, I was destined to play U.N. Squadron that weekend as my mom by chance rented the one game I wanted.
U.N. Squadron pilot Mickey Simon unleashes a Cluster!
U.N. Squadron has amazing game play, it’s challenging, fun, the music is nothing short of mind blowing, and the replay value is surprisingly high. (Once you beat the game on normal, make sure you switch it to hard). You can buy a wide array of planes and equip them with a crazy ridiculous arsenal (please see post not yet written - Best Video Game Weapons Ever: Mega Crush). The game is relatively easy to play as well - you don’t have to worry about too much going on (spoken like a seasoned veteran who has flown many, many missions). Although, at times, even the best pilots poise is tested while simultaneously switching through weapons, dodging enemies & incoming missiles, and predicting where an evil submarine battleship named ‘Minks’ is going to blast through the water and unleash fury upon you.
U.N. Squadron has a series of bosses that are unique and awesome. Each and every boss you face playing U.N. Squadron requires your A-Game and if you are not mentally tough enough to drive a steak through the enemies heart, then you should never turn on this game and stick to Bubble Bobble. Here is are the bosses:
Missile Tank
Stealth Bomber
Forest Fortress
Ground Carrier
Stealth Fighters (Mercenaries)
Nuclear Submarine ‘Seavet’
Battleship ‘Minks’
SR-71 Blackbird
Ceiling Machine
Giant VTOL aircraft.
Project 4 ship
U.N. Squadron pilot Shin Kazama on the ropes in the heart of the Forest Fortress
After each level in U.N. Squadron, there is a cut scene where your pilot swooshes across the screen and says something bad ass such as, “This is only the beginning…” and, “So long! Enjoy your desert graves!”, and, “It was mercenary vs mercenary but we had ‘right’ on our side.” My personal favorite makes for a great that’s-what-she-said joke, “Hit and away is my style!”
How about the no nonsense “Target destroyed! Returning to base immediately.”
U.N. Squadron has it all - great game play, music that will own you, cool weapons & planes, and just extremely fun & entertaining. U.N. Squadron ranks as one of my all-time favorite Super Nintendo games. If you haven’t played this game I highly recommend downloading a Super Nintendo emulator and trying it out! (please see post not yet written - Most Shocking Things Ever: Never Having Played U.N. Squadron)
This YouTube video contains all the U.N. Squadron music - wow.
Enzyte Guy, Bob Enzyte Guy, Pills, effectiveness, scam, side effects
So, I was watching the G4 network the other night, which I don’t normally do.At least not since the great Ninja Warrior marathon of’07.Anyway, it was 2am, I just got back from the bar and there was nothing on TV.I happened to see that Robocop 3 was on G4 so I tuned in.Side note: Just like many trilogies, Robocop 2 trumps the series but I had to settle.I mean it was that or a half hour infomercial selling Girls Gone Wild.There is nothing more sadomasochistic than listening to that stupid steal drum song over and over without the payoff of a bare boob (not even a slip). Wow, I haven’t gone on a Dane Cook style tangent, like that, in awhile but I’m only trying to paint a picture:I’m watching Robocop 3, there is nothing else on, and I’m only mildly entertained by the movie.
Okay, back to the point, Robocop 3 was part of a segment on G4 that they call “Movies that don’t Suck”.It’s apparently
Chaos. Corruption. Civil War. He's back to lay down the law.
what they call every movie they play on that channel.I’ll agree with them too, Robocop 3 does not suck, but the amount of commercials that they play during a movie does suck.It was to the point I was thinking to myself, they should rename this “Commercials that Suck.”
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “You did not just go through that whole intro for a lame joke like that?”Well, you’re right.But it did get me thinking about all the commercials that suck.And I’m not just talking about bad advertisement ideas like the “Oh, that right there? That’s the money you could be saving with Geico” because that is a whole other rant.And I’m not talking about those pill commercials with the hysterical side effects (i.e. the confidence pills that cause anal leakage) because that would be too easy.I’m talking about the advertisements that, in my mind, do the product no justice.To the point, I think to myself “Wow, those are the words they chose to sell that product?”
My first example is probably the easiest to explain.I first saw this campaign as part of a billboard on my way to work.I started laughing when I saw it.It was a McDonalds ad that was incredibly simple and stupid.It was a plain black billboard with the classic “golden arches” and it said “100% Beef”, not “100% Grade A Beef”, or “100% Ranchers Reserve Beef.”Now this isn’t magic but watch me debunk that ad with one sentence.Even the cow’s eyes are beef.Honestly, I know vegans that boycott Altoids because of the gelatin (which in my mind is a stretch) and McDonald’s doesn’t think that someone is going to have that same thought.I just think it shows a complete lack of respect to the consumer.What is even more amazing is that someone thought it was such a good campaign that they made a commercial out of it.
Now the next one requires a little math, and I’m apologizing for it up front because match makes my head hurt but I think it is worth it.This commercial happens to a favorite of G4 late night (at least it was during Robocop 3).It’s that wonderful Enzyte commercial with the guy talking about taking the pills in front of his “wife”.He says lame stuff like “I’m really taking this pill for the increased stamina but the extra size, well that ain’t bad either.”
The Enzyte Guy
The first time I saw the commercial there was a narrator talking about the pill.He made a statement that made me think: “Enzyte has sold millions of pills to thousands of customers.”Here’s where the math comes in.Let’s say that the actual number of customers is 5,000.It’s a nice round number and I’m assuming that if it were more than 10,000 customers they would have said “tens of thousands of customers” (perhaps I put too much thought into this or they paid the narrator by the word).Anyway, one million divided by five thousand gives you 200 pills per customer (go ahead, do the match, I’ll wait).Here’s a little background too.The earlier Enzyte commercials stated that it took 90 days to see results (honestly, I only remember that because I thought to myself, wow, 90 days that’s a long time to wait for results).So the average customer is sticking it out about double the time it takes for results.Not a bad stat but they are still quitting.Probably not something you want to advertise.I guess someone from Enzyte agreed with me because during my repeated viewings of the commercial, while watching Robocop 3, I noticed they removed the stat.
What’s my point you might ask?Stop believing everything you see on the idiot box and start asking questions.This was just two examples buy I’m willing to bet that there are more out there.I’d probably be able to point them out to you if it weren’t for the fact that I use my DVR religiously.By the way, just so you know that I don’t hate all commercials.The Sonic Drive-In commercials top my list at best ever.
Jay Cutler, Denver Broncos, Chicago Bears, Sports Talk NFL, NFL Information off-season
I gotta say, I love sports. None more so than Football. There has been a trend going on that, I personally think, is killing sports. I’m talking about the over coverage of everything that goes on in sports today.
There was a time when the only people writing about sports were analysts, former players, or people with a passion to write and a love for the game. Today it seems like any Joe Schmo with a word processor can write about sports. Which wouldn’t be half bad if it were actually information that sports fans were interested in reading.
A perfect example is this whole Jay Cutler fiasco (or as I call it, Brett Favre 2.0). I mean, there is nothing I could care
Brett Favre 2.0
about less than the “she said/she said” battle that has gone on for the last month. It doesn’t advance the sport at all. Five or ten years ago, this is all you would have heard about it: Broncos appear to be shopping Jay Cutler around. Jay Cutler is now a Chicago Bear. Both articles wouldn’t have been more than a paragraph (and would have only shown up in Denver and Chicago). Today, if you go to Google News and type in Jay Cutler, you get nearly 4,000 articles.
I’m sure that there were a lot of factors that brought us to this point. Things like the internet giving visibility to all the news outlets across the country. Or, how the increased visibility put pressure on everyone to step up their game and be the first to report on everything. In the end, all we get is 4,000 different people all reporting on the same boring subject.
To make things even worse, there are a lot of people reporting “the news” on websites that don’t have any accountability. It seems like every couple weeks there is a report on one of these websites that has absolutely no merit whatsoever and all the reputable sources latch onto it and report it as real. Two examples come to mind.
The first is a trade rumor that popped up before the end of the regular season (and after the trade deadline). The proposed trade was Anquan Boldin to the Giants (I don’t remember the terms off the top of my head). It was a ridiculous acquisition just for the fact that the trade deadline had already ended.
The second was more recent and has to do with the slew of failed drug test reports that is burning its way through the internet. I won’t talk about this too much except to point out the conflicting reports. Some bogus internet site has stated an unnamed source in the report that a couple players have failed for steroids and some others have failed for marijuana. I haven’t included their names because I don’t want to propagate the rumors on the odd chance they are false. Then the NFL comes out and reports that teams are not informed of test results until a week before the draft (essentially saying that the only ones that know the results are the tester and the player). I don’t want to sit here and debate the validity of the reports but I do wanna say that people should think twice before trying someone in the court of public opinion. Steroids are serious business and with all the asterisk talks in sports these days, we have a duty to be careful with that word before ruining some ones carrier (especially before their pro career has even started).
Now, I guess that I am a bit to blame too. Seeing as how my intense love for football has caused me to scower the internet daily for any piece of useful information. My search only intensifies during the off-season when there are no games on. The things that I’m interested in are what my team is doing in Free Agency, what their needs are, what everyone else in the division/league is doing, what changes are going to happen for next year, and finally just increasing my general knowledge of the sport. As a result, all the news outlets are just trying to take advantage of my needs and report about something that just happens to be nothing.
In conclusion, I would like to thank a couple groups for staying true to their roots in an increasingly difficult time. While these guys still report the BS I hate, I recognize that they have to since it does pertain to football. Mostly they keep the BS short, present the facts and move on. The first group is The New York Times Fifth Down Blog. More specifically, the work of KC Joyner who takes a completely analytical approach to football, which is extremely refreshing (even if he only does it to provide a shameless plug for his book). Finally, the guys over at profootballtalk.com who don’t always report the truth but do make me smirk with their Seinfield references.
First of all, the only reason I ever go to Yahoo.com is to check my email. I’ve had my account for so long I don’t want to go and change it now. (please envision a mass email to my entire address book about me changing my email address and nobody caring).
Yahoo sucks because of their ridiculously retarded ‘news’ stories.
Whoa! She wore what!
There is truly, honestly, nothing I care less about than ‘J.Lo’. The only thing I care less about than ‘J.Lo’ is how ‘J.Lo’ “flaunts a striped tunic, black leggings, and sky-high platform heels.”
There is nothing that makes me want to see her “bold look”. WHO CARES! NOBODY! Yahoo is extremely lame for this type of stuff.
What makes this so much worse for me is I know, out there, somewhere, some young girl (I probably hit on her at the bar) logged on to Yahoo and is very excited to see just what ‘J.Lo’ has in store! Wooo!
Right below ‘J.Lo” you’ll notice a fantastically interesting piece on feet. “Why feet smell and how to stop the stink”. How many people are logging on to Yahoo, catching a glimpse of that story and saying to themselves, “Finally! Just the article I was looking for! Thank you Yahoo, thank you!”
Please, stop. Seriously. This is why Google owns you (and everything else). I used to like Yahoo. But…ahh…I’m in a endless loop right now.
